It’s Friday. I got the Soul Food soundtrack playing on Spotify, and the Dubs are playing tonight, so why not post another installment of “Shit Bitches Love”. For those of you who are new to this rant, it’s pretty self-explanatory: a post about the shit bitches (including myself) love. Usually, these are trends we love to hate. Or just love. Or just hate. Read on, and you’ll see what I mean.
Those damn letter balloons. I want to track down the origin of every party post on Pinterest just to find out who started this trend. Every event you attend – whether it’s a bachelorette, bar-mitzvah, or divorce party, you’re sure to find some mylar letter balloons spelling out the obvious like below. What’s next? A #RIP set up at someone’s funeral? Having said that, best believe I got some for my best friend’s baby shower. Why? ‘Cuz bitches love balloons, DUH.
I mean if you’re gonna do it, do it right.
Avocado toast. I’ve always loved avocados. On my toast, in my eggs, on chips, in my glass with milk and sugar (What? You know us Filipinos are weird eaters). Hell, I even pay an extra $1.80 for that bitch just so my chicken burrito bowl is lit. But lately, the whole avocado toast bit has taken the world by storm. It used to be you’d smoosh some avocados with a little S&P and put it on some bread, but now they’re putting everything on that shit … and this bitch is eating it. Bitches love toast you can take pictures of.
Despacito. I swear there was one day where I saw 3 photos on IG with the caption Despacito on it, and for a few weeks after that I kept hearing people talk about it. Meanwhile, I couldn’t tell if it was a person or a movie. I JUST heard the song for the first time 2 days ago, and I honestly don’t get it. Then again, I didn’t get Tevas either and now I may or may not have a pair in my closet. Like with many songs, this one will probably grow on me. Bitches love things that grow on them, ayeeee.
Quay. My bad, this one is actually a little overdue. So much that bitches might not even love this sunglasses brand anymore. Just know that when they did, they did it looking like a trendy bug (and I say that as a person who owns a pair of Quay’s). Bitches be buggin.
Sneaky Vaunt. If you’re scratching your head wondering WTF a Sneaky Vaunt is, I don’t blame you. Because no one cares about a company name or even product when the person advertising it got their titties wildin out. If that sounds a little familiar, it’s because Sneaky Vaunt is the brand that makes that strapless, push-up bra that every IG model and C-D list celebrity is promoting. And if I had anything to actually push up, this bitch would probably love it too. Bitches love a little help every now and then.