“‘cuz when i be out with other chicks, i be thinking about you/and when you be out on dates you be texting me too …”

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Rap On Broadway.

You dirty, bitch ass bitch lmao. I can’t. I love Jimmy Fallon three much. Anne Hatheway ain’t too bad either. Click here to see Ariana Grande’s skit.

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The Trouble With Being Alone.

There are three things that I absolutely love to do alone: shop for groceries, buy flowers and cook dinner.

I genuinely look forward to late nights at Trader Joe’s. I ‘m one of those people that make actual shopping lists too. I usually peruse through some of my favorite food blogs to find new recipes, then add ingredients to my list along with the basics like bananas, milk, brown rice, skinless chicken breast, and egg/egg whites. The whole process is oddly therapeutic for me.

I rarely shop at Whole Foods (too expensive), but they have the best grocery assortment of flowers. Roses are beautiful, but I’ve never been a roses kinda gal. Tulips are my favorite, so I always try to grab a bouquet if they have any fresh ones available. Buying flowers for myself as cheesy as it sounds, makes me feel independent.

A night like this ends with me putting the grocery bags on the kitchen counter while I put the flowers in a vase. Then, I make dinner and most likely lunch for the next day. If I’m feeling fancy, I’ll drink a glass of Malbec while I cook. And if the good looks aesthetically pleasing, I’ll post a pic on Instagram (duh). Then, I’ll eat the fruits of my labor while watching a Dub or Giants game.

No one’s usually at home when all of this happens. Not that I dislike my roommate (I actually prefer the company), but I love this. I love doing things for myself, by myself. It makes me feel good. Self sufficient. Strong. It’s around this time where I start to feel myself, and think about how great of a catch I am lol. Hey, someone’s gotta do it. I think, “Fuck I’m awesome! I’m funny, smart, talented. I have a good job, my own place, am active, cultured, yada yada yada. And I’m alone“. 

The trouble with this, is the very same things I love doing alone make me feel lonely too.

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Bro’s Before Hoez, Chicks Before Dicks – TBT 06.29.09

Like I’ve mentioned before, I don’t run with too many females.

I have a lot of acquaintances. Dozens of friends. But only a few ladies who I can genuinely call “my girls.” And even then, it ultimately comes down to autonomy. ‘Cuz at the end of the day ur still all u really got.

With the exception of 2 or 3 vagina toters, my closest friends have all been dicks. Not just because I click better with dudes, and not just ‘cuz I have a low tolerance for catty bitches – but mostly ‘cuz the past females I’ve invested deep friendships with have for the most part, been disappointing.

Growing up I’ve come to the obvious realization that not everybody thinks the same way I do when it comes to balancing ones priorities (Duh!). And that’s fine.

It’s ok.

Nothin but love.

People are different.

I’m being too judgemental and needy.

I get it, I do. But while “those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter,” I also believe that ur friendships should matter just as much as ur relationships. And depending on the circumstance, sometimes even more. It’s true, real friends can live on opposite sides of the planet, not have spoken to each other in weeks, and then still pick up right where they left off. But that doesn’t mean that just because someone is within reach, we should take them for granted. If we can devote so much of ourselves to our relationships, and put so much effort into nurturing them, there should be no reason we can’t do the same for our friendships. Afterall, it’s ur friends who were there before, during, and after ur relationships anyway.

I appreciate all the people I’ve met in my life – even the bad ones (Except for my moms bastard-ass ex boyfriend Anthony Guttierez who’s grave I would spit on if he died tomorow, WHOAH WHOAH WHOAH OK ANGER MANAGEMENT! lol). While I will always be one of the boys, I know that there is nothinglike the bond I share with my girl friends. But perhaps, The Sims said it best when they said that:

“Friends are like plants, if u don’t take care of them they wither and die.”

And I could sure use a good watering.

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Happy Opening Day Giants Fans!

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Rappers Delight.

If I had to compare my ex boyfriend to a rapper, he would easily be Nasir Jones. Street smart, but in school to be an engineer as well. In short, “A thug, but intelligent too”. It had me thinking about other exes, and their rapper counterparts. With the help of Jey, I’ve compiled a list of rappers below. Some of which I may or may not have had crushes on before (DON’T JUDGE ME, BIZZY WAS CRACKIN IN THE 90′s!). Ladies, which have you dated?

Mos Def: You know, that smooth, sensitive, conscious guy … that beats his wife.

Bizzy Bone: That scrubby weed smoking dude you’re feeling, but have no idea why.

T.I.: The Southern gentleman who is down for you, but 4’10″.

Method Man: A man that’s rough around the edges, but … nope. He’s just rough around the edges.

Macklemore: The boyfriend that will apologize for being your boyfriend.

2Chainz: That one DUMB EX (I’ve definitely dated a 2Chainz type).

Nas: The prototype.

Kanye: The boyfriend that only wants to fuck in front of the mirror, so that he can see himself. That’s of course when he’s not too busy making beats to have sex.

P-Diddy: The guy you’ve been seeing for 5+ years, but never claims you.

Jay-Z: Someone you make twice as much money as.

Drake: He’s the type of boyfriend that whispers to shopping carts, “Don’t let these n*ggas push you around”.

Eminem: The boyfriend with mommy issues. Girlfriend issues. Baby-mama issues. Anger management issues. Prescription pill issues. The Source issues. Just. ISSUES.

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BTW, don’t get your panties in a bunch. JOKES guys, JOKES.

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Involuntary Manslaughter.

Last Saturday, I had the pleasure of meeting one of my favorite writers Enitan Bereola at his book signing in San Francisco. Everytime I read one of his quotes on Instagram, I end up catching the Holy Ghost. I put one hand in the air, the other over my chest and then the feels just start pouring out of my ears. So there was no way I was going to miss an opportunity to tell him how much I appreciated him and his words. However, it was during his actual book discussion where he said his most profound words yet.

The moderator asked him if there was ever a time in his life where he wasn’t a gentleman. He replied by saying that he used to be a playboy in college, but despite that, he was always a gentleman. His reason being that he always told the truth. He figured that as long as he told the woman he was involved with that he didn’t want to be in a relationship, it didn’t matter what happened after that. All responsibility on his part had been relinquished. They should’ve known better.

I immediately felt a tinge of guilt. I always tell my male friends that as long as they tell the truth, the woman/women they’re seeing can’t get mad at them. Technically, it’s true. But we are all aware of what is going on, and what is at stake. Enitan knew it too. He compared it to involuntary manslaughter. “It’s like when you’re texting and driving, and then you hit someone. You didn’t mean to kill them, but you knew what you were doing”.

This especially resonated with me, because I’m sitting shotty in the car with them. Or I’m blindly walking across the street looking at my phone, thinking that just because I’m in a crosswalk, drivers will be paying attention.

I continue to see men that don’t want relationships, and tell myself it’s OK because I know what it is and what it isn’t. Because we have fun, and are enjoying each other’s company. Because my other option would be sleeping alone, and not having anyone to watch the new dystopian movie with. But I know what I’m doing, and I know the kind of person I am. I know that no matter how cool I am about it, and how transparent our relationship is, I will always want more. I will want what I deserve.

You see, I’ve been a victim of involuntary manslaughter. And I am always  accessory to the crime. Even worse, I wind up serving their sentence as well as mine.

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