Just a Heads Up.

Ever wonder what’s going on in a woman’s head while she’s giving head? Here, I’ll take the guess work away.

  • Worry: Shit, did I turn off the flat iron? Milk, eggs, kale, brown rice, ground turkey, almond butter, spinach, garlic. Damn, I’m missing something. Oh fuck, I better book L.A. before flights go up. Ever see that meme comparing a woman’s mind to an internet page with 1,893 tabs open? The only way it could be more accurate is if it had 1,893,245 tabs open. We over think. Hey, don’t judge me us! Just sit back and relax knowing that your dick is in our mouth, even though other things may be in our head.

  • Game of Thrones: I can’t motherfucking believe they beheaded Ned Starks. King Joffrey, that little shit. Don’t let me see you in the streets son! You or your brotherfucker mother. John Snow doe. Wassup with you? John Snow’s brother doe. Wassup with you too? See, this is the reason I can’t watch anymore television series, or like any other sports. I get way too emotionally invested in them. The other day I went to my girlfriends, boyfriends bar and all I could think of was how much the dude sitting across from me looked like Lord Baelish. 

  • Complain: OMG I am so tired. Although I would totally kill for some cornbeefsilog right now. Lord, I’m gonna need a glass of water after this. Make that a big glass. I swear the shit I do for this dude. Jeez, is this fucker ever going to cum? Am I losing my touch? Dammit! I knew I should’ve let him go down on me that one time he tried. What was I thinking? Maybe I should just sit on his face right now. 

But usually, we just …

  •  Enjoy the moment: Mmm, your dick feels so good. It’s so fucking big, and hard. I can’t wait until you fuck me after this. I love taking your balls in my mouth. I love running my tongue up and down your dick. How do you want me to suck your dick? What else can I do to make you feel good? I hope your enjoying this, because I am. See? We’re not so bad. These are actual things that run through our minds while sucking your dick. We are pleased when you’re pleased. I even know a girl that came by simply giving her boyfriend head. So fret not fellas. We may have 1,793,260 tabs in our brain open, but rest assured we’re good at multi-tasking.
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I will probably get burned at the stake for for divulging this information, but the Wonderful app is exactly that - wonderful. It also makes people look like aliens. It’s an Asian photo editing app that not allows you to makes your eyes bigger, slim down your face and enlarge your breast in addition to the usual antics like filter your skin until you resemble a porcelain doll. Above, is an example of that.

If there was anything I could magically change about myself physically, I would definitely skip over the bigger tits and height for a flawless complexion. It’s probably not the best picture, but on the left side is me unfiltered (but in good lighting): my face is oily, I have eye bags, and around my nose, cheeks, and chin area is extremely splotchy and red. OK, now that I’m looking at this it’s a horrible picture to exemplify that, but I promise my skin sucks.

Anyway, the point of this short post is to tell y’all what you already know:

  • It’s just Instagram.
  • There is no filter for an ugly personality.
  • NO ONE is perfect. Unless you’re fucking @ (ugh).
  • If you want to use a filter, do the damn thang. If you’re one of those people that don’t use filters or need to wear makeup, then good for you (you lucky son of a bitch).
  • Having said that, you don’t get a fucking cookie for it and it doesn’t make you any better than anyone else.
  • If you feel the need to use Snapseed on Wonderful on Lomo over MAC and Urban Decay and Benefit, zero fucks are given. Do you boo!
  • Just don’t be surprised if no one recognizes you in “real” life.
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Another Woman vs The Other Woman.

I sat on his couch while putting on my shoes and saw it once again. Small, and yellow just like how I remembered it from the night before. A reminder that I wasn’t the only woman frequenting his place. I could’ve said nothing. I could’ve flipped out. I hesitated, but finally said, “I hope whoever that belongs to doesn’t mind that I spent the night here” all while bracing myself for his response.

“It’s probably Meesh’s or Lilah’s,” he said. “You’re talking about the broken one? Yeah, that’s Meesh’s”.

I knew he would say it belonged to one of his friends girlfriends, and I know this makes me sound naive – but I believed him. I got in the passenger seat of his car and smirked, “Oh, she’ll definitely mind”. “Yeah she would,” he replied. We both laughed about our inside joke, then he drove off.

Now listen. Linda, honey, listen. This isn’t a story about being jealous over another woman being at this man’s house. After all, he wasn’t my man and they could’ve easily been friends.  This is a story about seeing someone who might be someone else’s man.

See, there’s a difference between being just another woman, and being the other woman. - both of which aren’t ideal by the way. Don’t get me wrong, in no way does finding a woman’s hair accessory at a man’s house mean he’s dating/fucking someone else. Matter fact, if we were actually in an exclusive relationship I wouldn’t have blinked twice at it. I know this guy wasn’t my man, I just wanted to make sure he wasn’t someone else’s.

If I can understand that this man likes hanging out with me, but doesn’t want a relationship, then he should be able to understand that I don’t want to be seeing him if another woman has a right to be upset that I am.


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Everywhere I Go, Every Smile I See.

“I know you are there, smiling back at me.
Dancing in moonlight, I know you are free.
‘Cuz I can see your star, shining down on me.”

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Gail’s Still Fucking Awesome.

For an entire year I thought of you, and for an entire day I tried to find the right words to describe how I feel, and how much I miss you. But there are no right words – there are no words period. Here are some pictures instead. I hope we made you proud. I miss you so much it hurts.



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Blogging About Blogs.

As you know, I love to read as much as I love to write. Here are a few blogs that’ll keep you company when GATNB is slackin’. The best part? I know the authors :)

Winging At Life  This blog documents the travel adventures of my high school friend Mariela. I hope you find her stories as eloquent and inspiring as I do.


Continue reading

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All The Things.

I miss you.


*Whew* Welcome back Belt! (In reference to his home run debut since his broken finger) Continue reading

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