I am officially the only single girl in the world. At least that’s what it feels like. I am however, the only single girl left out of my friends. That’s not to say they treat me any less of a friend. I’m just saying … I’m the only single girl left out of my friends, and that means I can’t connect with them about certain things. And I obviously won’t be invited to fancy double or even triple dates. But that’s not the trouble with being single.
When you’re the only single person left in your group of friends, you start to see less of them. Because now in addition to them having to balance friends, family, work, hobbies and alone time, they’ve added a significant other into the equation. Text threads are shorter, and happy hours are non-existent. And the time you do get, is usually the time their boyfriend didn’t make plans or their girlfriend is out of town anyway. That’s life, that’s happiness. That’s just the way it goes. But that’s not the trouble with being single.
When everyone else has a significant other, people assume you’re desperate to be in a relationship. The minute you admit to missing someone, is the minute everyone thinks you will be with anyone. You can be alone, but never lonely. They say “Don’t be lonely”. I say stop telling me how to feel. It’s become a sin to want to love and be loved. But that’s not the trouble with being single.
You can yearn for forehead kisses and holding hands just as much as you relish reading a book alone on the train and taking up the entire bed. You can want a happy ending, whether it’s by yourself or married with four kids and two dogs – as long as you’re happy. You can be sad being single. You can be happy being single. You can be indifferent. You can want to be in a relationship. You can miss being in a relationship. Just don’t let your relationship status define you.
The real trouble with being single, is that for the most part there is no trouble with being single … and some people have trouble believing that.
I have 9 months worth of pictures to post (good Lawd), but for now I’ll share a few from last weekend’s Napa Jazz Festival. Although it was extremely disorganized, I can’t complain too much when I didn’t drive, it was a beautiful day, the tickets were free, the music was good, and the estate was breathtaking. I was most surprised by the art they had around the ranch. See more pics after the jump!
Being a relationship kinda girl is hard. Being a relationship kinda girl that loves sex is a motherfucking struggle. Girls like me want a meaningful relationship, but we also want to be fucked into next week. Our hearts are constantly at battle with our raging hormones, and let’s just say an occupied bed does nothing for the void in your heart. Unfortunately, some of us will take what we can get. And if we know the man we just went on a date with doesn’t want a relationship with us, we figure we might as well get something from them even if it means settling for less than we deserve. Thus, begins the toxic cycle of having sex with someone you know you shouldn’t be having sex with.
There are various ways one can attempt to avoid this. A popular option is to fuck someone you don’t care about while you only date the guy you really like. It sound ridiculous, but even more ridiculous it makes sense. By doing this, you get your “wants” met without compromising your “needs”. However, this method only works if you actually have someone else to fuck. And I don’t. So what do I do instead?
In a perfect world, I’d find a man that loves me as good and hard as he fucks me. In this world, I masturbate.
Yup, that’s it.
I know it sounds too simple to actually work, but hear me out. Most of my sexual frustrations stem from a built up urge that is almost always met by the mere act of having an orgasm. While I know nothing beats actual penetration, I’ve found that as soon as I’m done masturbating, whatever impulse I had prior subsided. It sounds silly, but if double clicking that mouse right before your date picks you up prevents you for fucking him on the first night – TRY IT. It may not be convenient to excuse yourself from watching a movie on his couch to go rub one out in the bathroom, but if it saves you from making a bad decision – DO IT.
Better a sad vagina, than a broken heart.
My friends give me a lot of shit for obeying pedestrian traffic laws. I wait for the white man to let me know it’s OK to go, and *gasp* use crosswalks. What? I can’t help it if I like my life and don’t want to die. While I do crazy shit from time to time, I’d like to think I play it pretty safe … except for when it comes to love. Go fucking figure.
I read somewhere that you should “Be with the safe guy”. For some women, this is a red flag. It’s the kind of shit that will have them running in the opposite direction into the arms of an asshole. Why? I don’t know, but we’ve all seen it happen before. See, the safe guy is safe because you’e got him in the bag. He won’t cheat on you. He won’t manipulate you. He won’t lie to you. He won’t break your heart, and he won’t make promises he doesn’t intend to keep. These are all good things, but some women find safe synonymous with boring. You don’t want to be with the safe guy, just because he’s the safe guy.
So you end up with the “bad guy”. The guy with the questionable reputation. The playboy. The guy you’ve heard nothing but bad things about, yet are still stupidly intrigued by. The guy who’s made you cry and question your self worth, yet you continue to see him. The bad boy has options, plenty of them. He’s afraid of commitment. And constantly has you defending his actions Nahhh, you don’t want to be with the bad boy either. Duh.
You should be with the guy that makes you feel butterflies. The guy that makes you want to scream in bed, but most of all scream through the mountain tops I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU, because you just can’t believe how good you have it. The guy that “keeps you on your toes without ever stepping on them”. The guy that respects you, but knows when to put you in your place. The guy that makes you forget that you were ever lonely, or heartbroken. The guy that reminds you that you deserve all the good you have in life.
And if you must be with a bad boy, make sure he’s safe with your heart.
The new job is kicking my ass so hard I barely have time to eat, what more blog. I’m not complaining, I’m just explaining. I swear I’ll get my shit together in time so that I can get back to the old me (just not the broke me), and make time to write and work out again. For now, here’s a few pics from the beginning of the year when I went to San Diego and L.A. More after the jump!
I’ve said this a million fucking times – my friends are incredible. So much that I often wonder what on Earth I could’ve possibly done to deserve them. Surely, I don’t do enough. There’s rarely a moment when one of them isn’t paying for my dinner, or giving me a ride home somewhere. My friends are everything I’m not. Everything I wish I could be. And they always stick up for me when I bully myself.
I often question how good of a friend I am. I look at the things I’m not able to do for the people I care about, and feel inadequate – even horrible at times. Until someone was a shitty friend to me.
It took me a while to realize this too. Again, I looked at the things they did for me that I wasn’t able to do for them and felt I was the one who was lacking. But they always spot me when I can’t afford brunch. But they always offer to drive when we go out. Then, I realized that if this is what I was basing their friendship on, it meant they could be replaced with a paycheck and new tires.
And so I ask you this: How have you been a good friend today? Are you a good friend? How can you be better? Would you want to be your friend if you met you?
I can’t promise I’ll ever be as good of a friend as I’d like to be, but I can promise to never make you feel as if you can’t come to me for my friendship. I may not be able to pick you up in a shiny new car, but I will always ride shotty with you in this journey called life. I may not always be able to spot you for Happy Hour, but I will always fade in on laughter. And I may never be able to loan you money, but I swear to never let you feel alone.