I Am Not A Sex Blogger?

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“i’m just trying to overcome the fact that maybe i was not enough”

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the most beautiful thing in this world.

I once spent 25 minutes stalking hot girls on Instagram. I scrolled through my feed and clicked on any woman who had a face I wanted to throw a rock at, and body I wanted to feed Kalteen bars to. A few of my favorites are Jessica Burciaga, NikkiBlades, Natalie Halcro, SydneyFashionBlogger, Shay Mitchell, and even the infamous Taz’s Angels. 

These women look nothing like me. They have mixed backgrounds, and piercing blue/hazel/green eyes. They have pouty lips, shiny thick hair, and chiseled cheeks or cute chins. Their legs go on for days (maybe weeks), and their torsos are taller than me. Their breasts are perfect: full, and heaving. They bounce in videos, and create hypnotizing cleavage. Their asses are perky, and can be seen from the front. And their waist-to-hip ratio is unreal. I feel like the Hunchback of Notre Dame in comparison. 

Yet, I wouldn’t trade bodies with any of them. Not a single freckle, strand of hair, or cupsize. Wait, I’m lying. I’d definitely add a cupsize. Don’t get me wrong, there are a handful of changes I would make if given a magic wand. However, being someone else is not one of them.

Because being beautiful does not make you any less human. While you may get certain special privileges, you are not exempt from heartache. It doesn’t make you smarter, funnier, more talented or athletic. Nor are you guaranteed happiness. Even with eyes like Adriana Lima, you could still be blinded by love or lose sight of what’s important in life. You could be the most beautiful woman in the world … and still feel hideous. So no. I wouldn’t want to look like Kelly Rowland or Miranda Kerr. I don’t want to look like the most beautiful woman in the world. I want to be the woman who thinks the world of herself

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Making A List and Checking it Twice.

These are needs, not wants. I swear. Especially that zucchini spiralizer. 


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Contesting the Protesting.

By now you should be aware of the massive protests occurring statewide in response to the cases of Michael Brown and Eric Garner. Most recently and closest to home, Berkeley protestors blocked traffic on I-80 for the second night in a row. My initial reaction to this was, “Fuck these protestors”. After much thought, my reaction is, “Protestors, WHAT THE FUCK?”. Now let me explain why before you blindly classify me as the “oppressor”.

I am all for people peacefully banding together to send a message. However, I will not support putting innocent lives in danger. It makes you no different than those you are protesting against. Bringing children onto a freeway is NEVER a safe idea. Just. WHY? Secondly, you are not just disrupting white families or the cops. You are also intervening with families of color, many of which are struggling to go to work or go back home all in all to provide for their families. 

This isn’t an argument to defend how inconvenient protests are. Although annoying, two hours in a car is nothing compared to the injustice people of color may face on a daily basis. This is a post asking, “What now?” I believe one outcome from any protest should be to inform the unknown or those who disagree in an attempt to gain their favor or at least open their eyes to a different perspective. I’m afraid these protests have only garnered more opposition than support. And once the dust settles, and people get tired of protesting I don’t see much changing. 

You can call me insensitive or ignorant, but I much rather see people put in effort where real changes can be made. The current strategies I’ve seen aren’t unifying the gap, they’re making it bigger and creating more unrest. While I respect those willing to make public displays of activism, I whole-heartedly agree with photographer Nina Parks when she asks: What groups are crafting tangible demands from inside the community to the policy makers?  THESE are the types of changes that will make an impact, and last longer than a march down I-80. Not only is this more effective, it also weeds out fake supporters that only want to vandalize and steal.

The best part? No one has to give birth in the back of a car because of it. 

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Bae Area Watch.

The end of baseball season only means one thing for me – BASKETBALL! And while I believe it’s still too early to make any playoff predictions, I can’t deny how well the Warriors are playing. Here’s a few pics from the past month’s sports festivities. I sure look like a football fan don’t I?

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You Never Know – TBT 02.07.11

So I know a girl who’s kinda, sorta, sometimes, not really, every 2 weeks only, non-boyfriend that she was exclusively dating but not a couple with, left his toothbrush at her house the FIRST night he ever slept over. At first she thought he just forgot about it, but when she tried to give it back to him he let out the most butt hurt sounding, “OK really?” So she turned around so that he couldn’t see her, “Are you serious?” face and grudgingly put the toothbrush back in her toothbrush holder.

Later that night she brushed her teeth before she went to bed and mid molar cleaning she noticed his toothbrush again. She wasn’t exactly sure how she felt about it or him, but to her that toothbrush said, “I plan on staying for a while,” and she didn’t mind that.

About a month later, he thought they were moving too fast. There was a slight bump in the road, and she threw away his toothbrush. Then he got mad that she threw away the toothbrush. Then she got mad that he got mad that she threw away the toothbrush. So then he bought another toothbrush for her house, and this time she didn’t fight the notion of him leaving it there ‘cuz once again she thought he planned on staying for a while.

The next day he said that they didn’t have a good foundation and just weren’t meant to be and left her.

“What was your foundation missing?” I asked. She didn’t know, there was communication, honesty, respect, and from what everyone could tell – they were crazy about each other. “What happened?” I said. Again, she didn’t know. They had just spent the entire weekend together, an amazing one at that. “Are you going to throw away his toothbrush again?” I asked attempting to make her smile (it didn’t work btw). “I don’t know,” she replied.

And that’s the thing. WE DON’T KNOW. WE NEVER KNOW.

We spend all our lives looking for signs and signals from the universe. Adhering to the “rules” of relationships. Telling ourselves that if someone leaves a toothbrush at our house, can see us in their future, and feels as if we’re everything they’ve been looking for, that ultimately – it’s a wrap. Until their bi-polar ass tells themselves amidst the smiles and laughter and genuine feelings for the other person, that it’s just not “meant to be”. Based on nothing except for the fact that they keep telling themselves they’re just not “meant to be.”

So now they’ll never know what would’ve happened if he just put his ego and insecurities aside. Maybe they would’ve fought their way back and he would’ve hurt her later down the line. Maybe she would’ve got sick of him acting like a 13 year old girl in a 28 year old mans body and bounced on her own. Or maybe? They would’ve spent every day the way they spent their last one; laughing, happy, full, and orgasmic.

So I won’t tell you to build a wall, ‘cuz that’s stupid. But I won’t tell you to tear it down either, ‘cuz that’s just careless. Nothing is guaranteed. Just know, that you’ll never know until it happens.
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