The Man With No Homegirls.

I’ve always been one of the boys. I was raised by older male cousins, didn’t fuck (or even date) any of the homies in high school, and was always the homegirl that got invited to “Boys night out” in college. Even now, you can find me grabbing dinner or going shopping with one of my homies. This is why I never cared if the man I was dating had a gang of homegirls. Why would I? I AM one of those homegirls.

One of my homies recently told me that the girl he was dating was a little concerned that he had so many girl friends. I totally get it. My friend is tall, has his shit together, dresses well, is cultured, articulate, funny, and an overall likable person. It also doesn’t help that his homegirls are awesome and gorgeous lol. What I wish I could tell her though, was his homegirls have BEEN his homegirls and will still be just his homegirls even if the two of them don’t work out.

I also wanted to tell her that you shouldn’t worry about the man with homegirls. You should worry about the man with NO homegirls. More than likely, there’s a very good reason for it.

The man with no homegirls can’t have homegirls for several reasons. For some men, there is no point in hanging out with a female unless he’s trying to date her or fuck her. It’s not to say that women don’t make good friends, it’s just them being realistic. For some, it’s hard to consistently hang out with a person of the opposite sex without gaining either feelings or a physical attraction towards them. If the man with no homegirls suddenly has one, you may have reason to be concerned.

Having said that, do I believe it’s impossible for men and women to be friends? Not at all, but with the very rarest of exceptions, one of those involved has liked or does like the other person. I know men who would never make a move on their “homegirl” but would still push the pedal to the metal if given the GO. For the most part, men and women are only friends, because one of them keeps it that way. I know this from experience.

So if you’re dating a man with homegirls, you should feel relieved. They will more than likely be YOUR voice of reason when he’s being unreasonable. Regardless of how  many girl friends he has, remember he wanted YOU to be his girlfriend.

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The Hunt For Orange October.

September baseball is nearing its end, and the hunt for orange October is upon us. This means I will be drinking a lot more than usual, and once again blabbering away about my beloved SF Giants. As you know, I love them. Basketball is my sport, but the SF Giants is my team.

I was watching a game recently where Brandon Crawford made a hit that was a turning point in the game. It was followed by Kruk and Kuip commentary about how Barry Bonds guest coached the team every now and then, and gave Crawford tips that seemed to be effective. As a left handed batter, Crawford ideally wants to keep his shoulder close at bat. However, he tends to open it up towards first base when he’s struggling. Bonds pointed this out and offered tips that he applied during that game I was watching.

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Baseball tips and techniques are nothing new, nor are they particularly exciting. But for some reason, hearing that Bonds/Crawford story struck a chord in me. I’ve been obsessed with technique since going to the driving range for the first time and reading Phil Jackson’s Eleven Rings, so forgive me for sounding cheesy, but I thought the Bonds/Crawford story was beautiful. Almost poetic. I’ve always found it fascinating that a simple finger position or flick of your wrist, could command a baseball to be thrown a specific way.

All in all, it’s little things like this that make me LOVE sports so much. I’m even growing to appreciate baseball more and more. I’d just love it even more if we made it to October.

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Unsalvageable.

In Loose Lips Sink Ships, I write about how friendships are just like any other relationship you have; you must maintain and respect it in order for it to flourish. I also write about how it’s not uncommon for friendships to take the backseat the second a romantic relationships starts. Unfortunately for some, friends aren’t even invited along for the ride once a significant other hops in the car.

They say that real friends are people you can not talk to for months, yet pick up right where you left off when you meet again. But they failed to mention that effort and intent still need to be present. I get it. Life gets busy. With work, school, family, hobbies, health, projects, deadlines, and everything else in between, it’s understandable for people to get out of touch. But if Beyonce can do it, then so can you.

As a single female, it’s hard for me to weigh in on the matter without seeming jealous, overprotective, greedy, or bitter. I’ve never alienated myself from friends just because I had a boyfriend, but maybe that’s why I don’t have a boyfriend. In an effort to sympathize, not saying anything at all has been my only compromise. 

It’s no secret that I love love. Especially the selfless, respectful, unconditional love that my friends have found. And I understand that things change once you have a boyfriend, or get married, or have kids. However, this change shouldn’t warrant abandoning your friends. Especially when your friends have been the one constant in your life.

If the friendship is real, a relationship shouldn’t break it up. I just can’t help but think of when Rach said “Friendships are relationships too”. And the one that I’m currently in is similar to that of a couple trying to reconcile after one has been cheated on. Sometimes, it’s just so far gone that no matter what you do, things just aren’t the same.

Photo courtesy of Kayak Kevin

Photo courtesy of Kayak Kevin

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I Wanna Get Lost In Your Rock and Roll.

As I previously mentioned, I went to Truckee last week to do absolutely nothing. During the 3.5 hour drive back down, this song came on the radio and it was so fitting with the scenery in front of me. I rolled all the windows down and turned the volume up, and enjoyed it while it lasted.

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Disconnect to Reconnect.

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I may have lived in the city all my life, but I love me some nature. While I’m more of a tropical sunsets and salty beach hair kinda girl, the serenity a clear lake surrounded by a forrest of trees looming over you is seldom unparalleled. 

I’ve told you plenty of times that I have AMAZING people in my life. And the amazing people in my life have amazing people in theirs. Just last week, my best friend’s best friend Cathy happened to be in town from LA to pick up her boss’s car up North in Truckee. She ended up house sitting for a day, and in an attempt to do a little bit of soul searching (as well as to enjoy the scenery) I tagged along.

Although a short trip, I relished every second of disconnecting from the world. Even the silence of my own room is deafening compared to the stillness of the forest. There’s something soothing about the way the sunlight kisses the water, and I could get hypnotized by the ripples made with my tiny feet. It’s just. Different. My only regret? Not turning off my phone during my stay there. But then how would I have ever gotten that amazing shot up there? lol. 

I stil haven’t found what I’ve been looking for. Then again, I’m not exactly sure what I’m looking for. Regardless, it’s always humbling to be in the presence of something so vast as a reminder that the world is much bigger than the pain and confusion you are currently feeling. 

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Slow Motion Fuh Me.

Imagine a bunch of drunk people slip-n-sliding. Then, imagine them slip-n-sliding into a game of flip cup. And then, throw a body roll into the mix. This video doesn’t even do our Labor Day Weekend BBQ justice. Shout out to the SoCal fam for the hospitality, esp Anna, Patiwut (Patiwho?) and Dr. Dre for house sitting lol.

Labor Day Slip n Slide from Dre Casasola on Vimeo.

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Kid Tested, Mother DisApproved.

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We’ve already established that I want to have kids one day. Before I ever decided that I wanted to get married, I knew wanted to have kids. I always figured it would be me, my two dogs, two kids, and four houseplants ballin outta control. I’ll see my friends 1.5 year old give her a kiss on the cheek and tell her he loves her, and I can’t wait to have kids of my own. But then, I’ll hear about a kid smearing his poop ridden diaper all over the carpet and thank the stars above that the children that are currently in my life are returnable. As much as I love kids and want to have some of my own some day, I still have my qualms about being a parent. Below are a few reasons why.

1. Home made crafts: What the fuck am I going to do with all those homemade cards my children are going to be bringing home from school? You know, the Christmas cards with cotton balls glued to the front that resemble Frosty the Snowman, and Thanksgiving turkeys made by tracing their hands?! My fridge will only be so big, I can’t be buying two just to accommodate their kindergarten dreams of being Picasso. And where am I going to put their popsicle picture frames? That shit is gonna fuck up the feng shui of the modern interior design of my living room! 

2. Broken dreams: Speaking of dreams, how does a parent support her child’s dream IF S/HE SUCKS AT IT?  How do I encourage they try out for American Idol if they sound like a dying cat? I wonder how many bottles of wine I’m going to throwback everytime I pay for a semester at their dream art school, when all their artwork still looks like the Frosty the Snowman cotton balls they made in kindergarten. Am I supposed to fake laugh during their stand up routine at The Improv when I secretly want to sneak out the backdoor and chill in my car with the engine running until they’re finished? 

3. ADD: Kids can do a lot of things: poop, cry, whine, eat, etc. You know what else they can do? TALK. Kids reach this certain age where they want to tell you everything and everything takes at least 17 minutes to explain. I eagerly await and dread the day I come home with a work-induced migraine and my kids, filthy from playing run up to me with a plethora of questions like, “Why is the sky blue? Why do dogs bark? Where do babies come from? Why Why Why WHY WHY?” What do I do when I am too engulfed in Love And Hip Hop ATL to listen to their 30 minute stories about how their imaginary friend Rex stole daddy’s wallet and took it to the land of Purple Doggledooders over the rainbow? 

4. The “cool” factor: I don’t care what you motherfuckers think – I am fucking cool. Even at my utmost UNcool, I still have two extremely cool little big cousins that keep me in check. Thanks to my blog and social media, I’m able to stay hip with the times. WTF? That is totally some shit an old, uncool person would say. Alas, I know that no matter how cool I am my kids won’t want anything to do in public with me once they hit the sixth grade. And at one point (or seven points) in their lives they will even hate me. Especially if I’m going to embarrass them as much as I plan to.

5. I’m going to be THAT mom at the playground: You know, that mom that gives the signature “Don’t test me” mom face to other people’s kids. That mom that will put a helmet, elbow pads, knee pads and head to toe leathers on their child when first learning how to ride a bicycle. That mom that’s screaming at the little league coach and getting kicked out of high school basketball games. You know, that mom who does a hymen inspection on every hood rat her son takes home. 

 

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