Turtlenecks and Top Hats.

For me, a penis is a penis, is a penis. As long as there’s nothing green oozing from it and can get the job done, I’m an equal opportunity employer. However, it’s come to my attention that women in 2013 are still giggling over uncircumcised penises. Ladies, there are far worse things than a dick with a top-hat on, I promise.

I can vividly remember the first time I had an uncircumcised penis. It was in the parking lot of Twin Peaks (how cliche) when I felt like giving my dude a blow job and came face to face with something that looked like a anteater Alf taquito hotdog with a hoody on (you don’t know how disappointed I couldn’t find any pictures of hotdogs with hoodies on). #gallery-14693-1 { margin: auto; } #gallery-14693-1 .gallery-item { float: left; margin-top: 10px; text-align: center; width: 33%; } #gallery-14693-1 img { border: 2px solid #cfcfcf; } #gallery-14693-1 .gallery-caption { margin-left: 0; } /* see gallery_shortcode() in wp-includes/media.php */

I will admit that I was a bit apprehensive at first. The extra skin felt funny in my mouth, and I was scared that I would hurt him. But once he got hard there wasn’t too much of a difference. I’ve had one more uncircumcised penis after that, and it was some of the best sex I’ve had in my life, so I can definitely attest to the fact that they all work the same. However, I do prefer my man cut, because I like running my tongue against that little ridge underneath the head *rawr*.

Regardless, don’t be scared of the dick. That extra foreskin is just like a little turtleneck keeping it warm at night, that’s all. Cut or uncut, all it wasn’t to do is love you, whisper sweet nothings in your ear, and poke against your butt in the morning. Besides, labias aren’t the cutest things in the world either.