New Years Day started off with a bang for me – literally. Since then, I’ve been subconsciously making an effort to take baby-steps outside of my comfort zone. It’s been going so well that friends now refer to me as “2014 Abi”. I like her. She’s everything I love about 2013 Abi, except slightly less awkward and slightly self-sabotaging. Just slightly though.
Taking an immediate risk to prevent an even worse outcome in the long-run has always been hard for me. You can see proof of this here and here and here. Good God. I became an expert at suppressing my feelings, so that I wouldn’t scare the other person off. And I would avoid having “The talk” until it was too late, and there was nothing left to talk about. Really, all I was doing was confusing the act of seeming needy with knowing what I wanted and not settling for less. I was giving up control of something I actually had control of.
Nipping shit in the bud – as scary as it is for me, is one of the things I’m consciously making an effort to do this year. It’s a must in order to prevent a a flower of neurotic fuckery from blooming. As a testament to 2014 Abi, I finally had a conversation that I had been avoiding/dreading with someone. While there are no hard feelings, it definitely didn’t end ideally. Still, I am so relieved I initiated it, and appreciate the reciprocated honesty.
It’s hard to face your fears and stare rejection in the eye, but it’s even harder to look back and realize you could’ve done it sooner. You may not always get the answer you want, but it will always be the answer you need. It may not be the right answer, but if it’s the truth, it will never be the wrong one.
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