Tales From the Awkward.

About a year ago me and my girlfriends went to a club in the city called Matrix. The occasion? It was a three-day weekend, warm outside, and I was transitioning from post-break up depression to post-break up awesomeness.

Hint #1 that it was going to be one of those nights: We took a cab. Hint #2 that it was going to be one of those nights: Barely five minutes in, a glass of champagne mixed with blah-blah-blah-blah magically appears in my hand, and some dude is already promising me “paradise.”

I would go into hint #3 and #4, but by my fifth shot of vodka (I quit drinking vodka shortly after this btw) it gets a little blurry. All I remember was it was hot as a fucking sauna, and I was talking to people like I was the motherfucking confidence fairy. DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID THOUGH? I said I was actually talking to people! As in complete strangers. If you know me, then you know I’m more awkward than finding lube in your parents medicine cabinet. But that night I was best friends with everyone like I didn’t give a fuck – and it’s probably because I didn’t. 

So as we’re leaving I notice this tall, cute, white dude standing by himself. Normally when this happens, I tell one of my girls, then find a cave to hide in. But since it was one of those nights, my happy ass walked right up to him and said, “I love you,” then went on my merry way. I know, I know – WHAT THE FUCK? But as soon as I walked away he says, “Wait. I love you too!”

Somehow, he ends up at the same cheesesteak spot as me and my girls, and I wind up eating at the same table with him, his brother, and his brother’s fiancee. We talk about how long we’ve been together, and what I should wear to the wedding. Needless to say, we hit it off, but I never saw him again – nor did I care to.

So what’s the point of this story? “Love at first sight” does exist lol.