On My Mind.

Current song: On My Mind Current mood: Nostalgic

On my way to grab lunch the other day, I made sure to play my Jorja Smith playlist on Spotify to prep for her concert later that night. On My Mind began to play, and the hook resonated with me:

I finally found what went wrong You think I would mind Oh, you think I, oh I finally found the wrong in you

In life, you go through certain things, and you never forget how you feel in those moments. Not even years later when you’ve seemingly moved on. Similarly, there are songs that trigger these feelings and like a bullet to the chest you are instantly brought back to that exact instance of heartache, happiness, betrayal,  and confusion, etc.

Jorja’s hook mentioned above is one of them. As soon as I heard the words, my eyes went tight and I pursed my lips thinking of a specific fuckboi from my past. I remember how manipulative he was, and how I constantly blamed myself for the way he was treating me. I allowed him to make me feel unworthy of love – what more his love, and I allowed myself to believe I deserved it. The On My Mind lyrics remind me of the days right after I finally snapped out of my funk and basically realized HE WASN’T SHIT. I wished this song had came out 10 years ago, because it would’ve definitely helped me at the time.

Still, I appreciate the song nearly a decade later. Despite being in a great relationship today, I can remember the pain of the past as if it were just yesterday. Because no happy life, wonderful partner, beautiful family, or big house will ever make you forget how it feels to be disrespected, betrayed, and heart broken. I believe songs like this are written not only to help those going through similar situations, but also to remind those who are no longer in them to appreciate their current relationship even more. 

Current song on my mind: The Sweetest Love Current mood: Grateful