HERe.

I was there for you.  During your saddest of sads, your lowest of lows, and the ugliest cries. I changed out of  jammies, put on a fancy dress, and spent money I didn’t have to make sure you felt like a million bucks.  I interrupted dinner dates to see if you needed me to leave or meet you somewhere. I cried with you, felt betrayed with you and hurt for you.   I paused my life for you, so that you would continue yours. I tolerated HIM. And him. And even HIM. Forced conversations and bit my tongue. I was there for you. Even when I wasn’t there for myself.  I watched you do nothing on my couch, just so you wouldn’t have to do nothing alone. I went to prayers even though I’m not religious. I asked my loved one to watch over your loved one, even though I don’t believe in the afterlife.  I reminded you that you were enough, even when I had enough of you saying you weren’t enough. I slept next to you even when I knew it wouldn’t fill the emptiness he left behind. I forced you to go to the gym, to go to yoga, to go to happy hour, to go running, to go outside of the four walls of your comfort zone. Then stayed with you, when nothing worked. I replied to every single text. With optimistic love. With naive love. With realistic love. With tough love. WITH LOVE. I sent flowers and notes. Song lyrics and inspirational quotes. Macarons and whiskey. I was there for you.  During your saddest of sads, your lowest of lows, and the ugliest cries. Not because you needed me, because that’s where I needed to be. That’s where I wanted to be. 

But what about your highest of highs and your happiest cries?  I am here for you. To hear how he treats you like a Queen, so much that you barely remember the pain of peasants past.  I want to hear about upcoming vacations, catamarans at sunset and morning balcony views instead of just “liking” the photos on Instagram. I want links to wedding dresses, reception venues, and ring options because he knows I know what you’d want. I am here for you. For the new job, the new promotion, the new car, the new house, the new baby, the new life. Even for just the new pair of shoes you’ve been wanting.  To follow your journey, even if the road is smooth and the view is clear. Even if you no longer need me in shotgun.  To heal. To congratulate. To celebrate. To reminisce. To say “Hey!” To actually be happy at happy hour.  And maybe things change, and people change. We become adults or at least learn how to adult. There’s no more time or no need to “check in”. Maybe you don’t need me anymore. Maybe you have everything together. Maybe you’re too busy. Maybe we can pick up from where left off, because that’s what real friends do. Maybe talking to each other everyday isn’t necessary. Long as you know that, I am still here for you. And I hope you are here for me too.