Effortless.

I’ve spent most of my blogging existence documenting my quest to fall ridiculously, inconveniently, and agonizingly in love. So does this mean you’re settling if you simply just love someone?

First, we have to consider what being “in love” even means, but I assume it’s different for everyone. Even Google didn’t have a succinct answer. Common descriptors however, included words like: yearning, uncontrollable, infatuation, and  obsessive.

For me, being “in love” in the past felt like not being able to keep my hands off of him. Not being fully present when I was out with friends, because I was too busy staring at my phone waiting for his text. It was not being able to concentrate, because my brain didn’t have the capacity to think about anyone but him. And finding it hard to breathe, because he was all up in my mouth and on my tongue suffocating any whisper of my own identity.

I used to think that if you weren’t head over heels obsessively in love with your partner, then it wasn’t love. And when I realized that you could have a healthy, loving, genuine relationship without being in love, I thought I was making up excuses for something that wasn’t real. When really, what I thought was being in love in the past was a reaction to a lack of love for myself.

The truth is, I didn’t fall in love with my boyfriend. We were co-workers turned friends turned lovers. I mindfully chose him everyday. I make the decision, and because of this I know I won’t wake up one morning and just snap out of it. It’s methodical, it’s loyal, it’s steady. It’s not feeling helpless to something, it’s having full control and staying through it all. 

Sometimes it’s as simple as being able to work in the same space and be on the same schedule without making any plans or saying a single word.

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Editors note: Drafted in May.

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