I have a secret to tell you, and to be honest I’m
a little embarrassed.
I’ve written at least three drafts of this post by now. Adding and deleting then adding then deleting again. Wondering if I should even write it. Feverishly attempting to sound enlightening without sounding corny. Wanting to inspire without being cliche. It’s a hard thing for me to do. Mostly because I know how stubborn I can be, and I know that there are people out there just like me – if not worse.
Have you ever tried talking sense into someone stupid in love? Have you tried to make someone who didn’t think they were enough, believe they were worthy of happiness? Have you ever attempted to shed light on a cynic? It’s no easy feat. In fact, it’s damn near impossible. I know this to be true, because I was and sometimes still am all of those things I mentioned above.
I’ve never considered myself a spiritual person. I don’t believe in karma or the afterlife, and can’t tell the difference when Mercury is in retrograde under the house of Lannister or whatever. Yet, there I was at The Scarlet Sage Herb Company spending $35 on crystals that looked identical to the rocks I had in my 4th grade rock collection. I find myself poking fun at my newest obsession in an attempt to feel less silly. When really, there is nothing silly about self-preservation.
It’s not the secret that’s hard to admit, it’s the truth. And the truth is I finally got over myself . Most people relate ego to arrogance, but ego can also be a lack of self-confidence. It can be anger, it can be insecurity, it can be any false belief you project to be true. My ego thinks I’m inferior and the world is against me. It struggles with acceptance, harbors resentment and refuses positivity.
The “secret” which has been around since the early 1800s and hasn’t been a secret since 2006 is the Law of Attraction. And it’s hard – almost painful, for me to admit that for the past month I’ve thought about something every night and watched it materialize into something tangible. I’ve finally, genuinely embraced the option to manifest positive thoughts into existence despite years of being told to do so, and now I don’t know WTF to do with myself!
While I’ve always admired spiritualist, I never wanted to be one. Correction: I thought I was incapable of being one. About four years ago in the midst of my depression, a spiritual healer came to my house. In a desperate attempt to “cure” myself, I sat on the floor in the middle of my living room surrounded by pillows as he proceeded to do his thing and a shell of me followed along. I really, really wanted it to work, but I wasn’t ready. My ego didn’t think I deserved to be happy, my ego didn’t think I was enough. And this ego of mine still exists.
Thus, I’m going to refrain from getting too woo woo on you. I went hippie-dippy on one of my friends the other day and she looked at me like I had a dick growing out of my forehead. People don’t do those things because they’re told to, they do it because they want to. Most people despise or ignore unsolicited advice, but there’s a reason you’re still reading this. So I’m not going to tell you to buy crystals and light up some palo santo. I’m not going to tell you to think positive thoughts or read The Secret. I will however, tell you that ever since I embraced the woo woo, I’ve been happier, kinder, calmer and more empathetic. So much that I’m not even mad at myself for not starting sooner and saving myself years of anger, stress and anxiety.
I don’t expect this post to get you to start following the law of attraction and I don’t expect you to X out your browser and go straight the the crystal store. But I do hope it gives you hope seeing a cynic think positive for once. The good thing is the universe is ready when you are, and it will wait for you. The not so good news is YOU have to decide how long you’re willing to wait before you do something to change your life.