“we repeat what we don’t repair”.

When your heart is broken, your first response is to mend it. This can be done in several ways. For some, it’s going out with your girlfriends. Putting on your favorite freak’um dress, drinking one too many drinks, and dancing the night away somewhere you know your fine ass will be seen and word of how fine you are will get back to the ex. 

For others, it’s unleashing their inner ho. Reactivating your Tinder account, swiping right, and actually responding to those you match with, or giving your old booty-call a “What ‘cha doing?” text at 11:40pm. 

Then, you have those that go on a “Bad bitch” rampage. They’re married … to the hustle, all about their business, and no longer have time to be in a relationship. Their social media is filled with quotes about being too busy achieving their dreams to care about dating. 

If you want different results, you have to try different approaches right? Well, the first time I remember dating, I got ahead of myself. I wore my heart on my sleeve all over like an obnoxious monogram purse. So the second time I made sure to play it cool aka pretend I didn’t care and suppress my feelings until they started pouring out my ears. The last time, I really thought I had it down. I told myself to be honest with my feelings upfront, and have “the” conversation early on. I was honest with the other person, but not with myself. That strategy didn’t work, because I failed to realize that I’d never be OK with being a booty-call or even friends with  benefits. 

See, I was all those girls I mentioned above. I tried to be every girl except for the girl who loved herself. The girl who accepted her flaws, and built on her beauty. The girl who didn’t settle for less than she deserved. The girl who believed she was enough. Despite all my attempts at trying something new, I still got the same result: heartache. Because that’s what happens when you buy a new car after every crash, instead of taking driving lessons. And that’s what happens when you try to mend a broken heart with distractions and delusions. 

 

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