Why So Single?

There are a few things you should never ask a woman. There’s a lot of things actually, but at the very least do yourself a favor and don’t ask us the following:

  • How old are you? (Following up with “OMG you don’t even look that old!” does not negate the question)
  • How much do you weigh? (Following up with “OMG you don’t even look like you weigh that much!” does not negate negate the question)
  • Wow, are you tired? (Bitch, I will cut you with my tired ass)
  • Why are you single?

The only thing worse than “Why are you single?” is “Why SO single?”

Like DAMN. I’m not just single, I’m SO single. What on Earth could I have possible done to deserve an adverb like that? See it’s hard to talk about this without sounding bitter or in denial, but trust I have fully embraced my singledom for good and bad. I’ve heard every explanation and have given almost just as many. And as a former wannabe cynic, I know that those who reject relationships tough, secretly want one even tougher. But SO single? In the words of the great Ed Lover, “Come on son!”

It started off innocently enough with a random follower on IG asking how the Wu-Tang concert was. I replied, and he then took a left by asking about my relationship status. It’s not the asking that’s rude, it’s the inference I know he’s probably not even aware he’s making. 

First of all (breaks out Power Point presentation and laser pointer) …

YOU.
*clap*
DON’T.
*clap*
KNOW.
*clap*
ME.
*clap*

Otherwise, you’d know I’m not so single after all.

Secondly, why’d you have to ask it like that? As if I’m crying on the curb with my head in my hands and you’re coming in to save me? In his defense, I’m sure he was just asking an innocent question and meant no harm by it … except I know it wasn’t innocent because HE SENT THE SAME EXACT MESSAGE TO MY ROOMMATE *insert face palm emoji here*. I’m not upset because he asked me this question. I’m upset because the only correct answer to the question would’ve been one that gave him the go to holla. Nothing else would’ve sufficed, not even the truth. The point is, being single is not a death sentence and #HoeIsLife dammit!

So before you ask a random female you don’t even know “Why so single?” first ask yourself “Why so presumptuous/why so unoriginal/why so corny?” 

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