Growing up, I was called a lot of names in regards to my body. “Midget” and “mosquito bites” were a few of my favorites. I had no tits, bad skin, big thighs, and zipping boots over my calves was always a struggle. It got better in high school, because I heard the term “thick” for the first time and found out it applied to me. However, I still wished I was at least three inches taller and could actually fill up my moms bras that I borrowed because I was too lazy and embarrassed to get measured and buy my own.
Now? Now I get to see Instagram models with both real and fake bodies getting “famous” and paid to be beautiful. Now? Now I am constantly reminded of every unwanted and wanted pound. Of every non-existent curve. Of how my clothes fit loose and tight in all the wrong places. Sometimes I look at old pictures of myself and sulk over how I left myself go. Other times I feel like a tween’ waiting for puberty to hit amongst a world full of beautiful women with hips and cleavage and pole wrapping legs.
Yet, I feel as if I’m not allowed to vent my frustrations. I feel bad for feeling bad, because I live in a world where if we aren’t an extreme – “fat” or “skinny”, we aren’t allowed to complain. Either I’m fishing for compliments, or need to shut up, or am simply being silly.
“HELP. How do I do this correctly?”
I am still in the process of loving myself for everything I am – and am not. That, I feel is a never ending journey. But I have learned a little something along the way. I’ve learned that it’s OK to FEEL. I’ve also learned to accept that everyone is entitled to do what they want to their body, whether I agree with it or think it’s “unfair”. But most of all, I’ve learned not to dismiss other people’s complaints (unless they’re just being petty lol).
I used to tell my friends, “You’re not fat. Stop complaining, etc.” But I’ve realized that when I say this myself, I’m not fishing for compliments – I’m looking for motivation and support. Thus, telling my friends otherwise discredits their feelings. So instead, I say “I would kill for your curves. But if you want to run with me sometime, or do anything let me know!” The response is usually a blank stare followed by a, “Never mind I’ll just be fat” but at least I put the offer out there.
Abs may start in the kitchen, but a positive self-image starts in your head.