“I wanted to tell you again it was awesome seeing you. You’re even sexier than I remember”.
That was the message I got from a friend of mine that I used to have “relations” with. I’m an A-cup. I don’t have long legs and my hips are non-existent. My hair is short and I don’t have DSL’s, so you would think I jumped for joy upon reading this. On the contrary, something about it didn’t sit well. I knew my friend meant nothing wrong by it, however, I was almost offended. And that is entirely my fault.
My friend is successful, worldly, adventurous, smart, and I always felt intimidated by him. Because of the aforementioned, my ego convinced me that I wasn’t good enough for him to date. Not because I too wasn’t intelligent or cultured, but because I never gave him the opportunity to get to know that. And by the time I did, he didn’t care to know.
Needless to say, when I read his Facebook message I didn’t take it as the compliment he intended it to be. I took it as a reminder that he only sees – or maybe only cares about my physical attributes.
Not too long before that, a co-worker of mine asked how it felt to be the prettiest girl in the office. Honestly, it felt uncomfortable. He didn’t make me feel uncomfortable, that label did. It makes me feel like I have some sort of title to maintain, when the inevitable is someone prettier is always bound to come along. This shit doesn’t sound pretty, it sounds petty. I sound like I’m playing the “Wah wah wah, it’s so hard being pretty” card, but the truth is I lack self-confidence and that shit is neither sexy nor pretty.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I don’t enjoy looking sexy, and of course it’s flattering when someone thinks I’m pretty – I just want people to know that I am so much MORE. Or at the very least, know that I feel the sexiest when someone brings up a line from one of my blogs, and I feel the most beautiful when I make people laugh.
Hey friend if you’re reading this, I’ll be seeing you again soon. This time, I hope I’m even more funny, talented, and smart than the last time we hung out.
And for the record, you’re even sexier than I remember too.