Yoloha.

I visited the island of Kauai for the first time last week and must say … it was everything I didn’t know I wanted. For five days I was laptop, makeup, TV, and worry free (except for that one time I thought I was going to drown, and that other time I envisioned getting pummeled by a wild boar).

I spent my mornings reading in a hammock, my afternoons baking on the beach, and my nights sleeping underneath the stars. But the majority of my trip was spent out of my comfort zone. 

10592673_10153267035848003_3334631988375283733_nI slept on the beach. It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy it. I mean what’s not to enjoy about warm weather, waves teasing the shore, a 6-pack of beer, and a moon as big and bright as my heart? Absolutely nothing. I just didn’t expect it. I thought I was sleeping in the loft of a 6 acre farm estate that night. But it was all perfect, even the thunderstorm in the  middle of the night.

I went hunting for goat. In shorts. And a tank top. In the rain and mud and bushes. With nothing but a bow and arrow. Without knowing where to go or what to look for. I MEAN WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT? Crazy people. I like that kind of crazy. 

I got on a surfboard. In the ocean. With no life vest. No, I don’t think you heard me: IN THE OCEAN. That vast body of water with waves and shit. It was the closest I ever got to actually swimming aka not drowning in the sea. Never mind the fact that I koala-beared that thing for dear life and nearly had a panic attack, I faced my fear … and he’s even more handsome than I remember.

I FACED REALITYIt was a swift slap to the cheek, then gentle kiss afterwards reminding me that I don’t have the job, body, mindset, confidence, or relationships that I want. I lack the motivation required to make moves, the discipline needed to stay on track, the focus necessary to meet goals, and the strength to believe I can do all these things. Sometimes I care too much about what people think. Other times, I don’t care enough. 

While on the island, I hung out with a friend who once inspired me to quit my job. Now he inspires me to quit the bullshit. The excuses. The stagnancy. The humdrum of an unproductive routine. Seeing how far he’s come and how many experiences he’s collected since we last saw each other, and realizing that I am in the same place as I was 4 years ago when we met, was hands down the most uncomfortable part of my trip. Again, all these realizations mean nothing if I am unable to learn from it and take action. 

I plan to visit Kauai at least one more time. There’s a few items on my bucket list unchecked. I didn’t get to hike the Napali Coast, swim underneath a waterfall, or take a boat tour into the caves. And a helicopter ride around the island would be nice, but definitely not necessary. I hope the next time I’m there we catch a goat. I hope I can actually swim. Most of all I hope I am no longer outside of my comfort zone. Instead, I hope I’m IN MY ZONE and comfortable in my own skin.

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