Everytime lent comes around, someone I know usually gives up social media. I used to think this was so stupid. Until one random day, I deleted Instagram and Facebook from my phone.
I remember having a session with my hypnotherapist and her asking if there was anything I would like to add to our normal exercise. “Yes, I want to stop obsessing over my phone”. In actuality, I’m not that bad. Compared to other friends who will turn back around to grab their beloved iPhones 10 minutes into their drive, I’m a saint. And I don’t feel the need to charge my phone when it’s still on 57% “just in case”.
However, I am one of those people that constantly look at their phone every 20 minutes or so. And I’ve wasted countless minutes on the explore page of IG jumping from profile to profile until I somehow end up on Kevin Durant’s girlfriends cousins makeup artist’s mom’s neighbors page who used to be one of Taz’s angels. LORDT.
The worst is when you find yourself turning 6 degrees to 4 degrees to 2. Until you’re one click or even worse, one search away from checking out the account of the last guy that broke your heart – or the girl that took his. Anxiety is real. And it was in those first 2 seconds of seeing his most recent picture that made me remove the app completely.
This isn’t the first time I’ve deleted social media or purposely locked myself out of my accounts, but this is the first time I actually don’t have an urge to log back in and see what I’ve been missing. FOMO is also real. When I do post a blog promo, best believe I milk my time. But I’ve noticed that since deleting the app, my life has been … I dunno, MY LIFE.
Not about what he did last night, or who he did it with. Not about how her stomach is flat and legs are long. Not about how I’ll never be able to do a headstand on the ledge of the Great Wall of China. And not about that beautiful bouquet of tulips. I can’t remember the last time someone bought m flowers.
My life has been a little cleaner as of late. Not clean, just less cluttered. I was able to “X” out one of the tabs open in my brain, and when you got 1,274 open that helps even if just a little bit. I should be able to have enough willpower to just limit my IG usage and not HAVE to scroll down until I can’t scroll anymore, but I wanted to make it easier for me to be easy on myself. Deleting IG (for now) makes it harder for me to be hard on myself.
Do not for one second get it twisted. I still loves me some IG, and will probably re-download the app sooner than later. For now, I’ll continue to not give a fuck. I used up a lot of fucks already and want to save the remaining fucks for something good. For now, I’ll enjoy this moment of being able to write a blog without taking intermission to refresh my feed. I’ll enjoy being able to read an extra 3-5 pages of my book at night. And I’ll enjoy waking up in the morning … and doing absolutely nothing.