An avid reader of mine Janine once Tweeted, “The future feels so far away when you’re waiting for it.” Girrrl, you ain’t neva lie.
We set a date, and wait and wait. For some magical revelation to happen. Thinking that if we hit a certain number of days or some unwritten deadline, whatever problems of the past or worries of the present will disappear.
So we pack our schedules, and live by the seat of our pants. Making sure that our calendars are filled, and we’re double booking. Change clothes. Go out. Go home. Sleep. Wake up. Change clothes. Go out. Go home. Sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Until. T-82 becomes T-54. Then 32. Then 21. Then 7. Until. There is no more time left. And suddenly, you wish you had one more week, one more day, one more hour, one more minute. To laugh with your best friend. To smell the hair of that beautiful woman. To kiss that handsome man. To hug your mother. To run your favorite trail. To say, “I’m sorry,” or “I love you.” Or simply, “Good-bye.”
Jeyel was right, when you’re sad you live in the past, when you’re anxious you live in the future, and when you’r happy you live in the present. Thankfully, the past is the past for me. But lately, I’ve been feeling anxious. Waiting for something, but not knowing quite what yet. I used to think it was an answer, but now I think it’s a question.
It’s hard for me to take things day by day, especially when I know that today can affect tomorrow. But in an attempt to debunk those feelings, I’ve been waking up every morning and writing three things I can do that day to make myself happy in the present. Because I know that as soon as T-80 because T-3, I’ll look back at what seemed so long ago, and think to myself “Fuck that went by so fast.”