Past experiences have taught me to be careful when giving ultimatums – especially ones to myself.
I grew up thinking there were certain things I would never tolerate. Well honey, never say “never,” and never say, “If s/he do this one more fucking time, I’m out.” Because chances are, he or she will do it at least two more times before you even consider taking yourself seriously.
There is always that little straw that breaks the camel’s back. Which is exactly what it is usually – something as light and insignificant as a straw. You never hear someone say “It was the final bowling ball!” or, “That was the last atomic bomb!” And you would think cheating would be the straw that broke the wo/man’s back, but I know plenty of people who’ve forgiven worse.
Thinking back to the ultimatums I’ve given myself, I’m almost positive I’ve failed them all. Despite months of being unhappy, and at least six phone-throwing, dashboard kicking, and door-slamming while the car was still in motion fights, it was something as simple as a Wacom tablet that made me say, “Oh fuck this shit, I’m done,” in one of my last relationships.
I can also remember being sad over a guy and desperately trying to figure out what it would take to finally get over him or not let him back in. A new guy? A new girl? A vacation? A puppy? A gym membership? And even though I’d get a tan and a nice stomach out of it, it was never any of the above. For the most part, it would usually be nothing at all. It would be a typical day, and something would just CLICK.
I think it’s easier to set up limitations for ourselves because they seem concrete, tangible. Like setting a goal – if you can see it, you can reach it. But it’s harder to actually follow because most of the time we just aren’t ready yet. You unfortunately can’t predict that kind of shit. Love doesn’t have deadlines in our minds, and life would be breezy if we were able to mark a date on our calendars and say, “OK, on April 25th, 1:37pm I will have had enough.”
But sometimes, what we think is enough isn’t ever really enough. I applaud you if you are one of those people who can leave before hitting your actual limit, but if you aren’t? I simply stand beside you. Different people can tolerate different things, and I can roll my eyes at you while you roll your neck at me thinking the other is an idiot – but only we know what we can and can’t handle. How much more or how much left we have to give. When enough, really is enough.
Enough is only enough, when it’s ENOUGH. And we never know when it’s enough … until we’ve actually had enough. If you can’t understand that, then you probably haven’t had enough yet.