How To Be A Crazy Bitch.

Finding out the guy you’ve been seeing has a girlfriend, or finding out that your boyfriend has been actively seeing someone else can turn even the most rational, mature woman into Lisa Left-Eye Lopez (RIP). I’ll preface this post by saying the “adult” thing: no reaction is the best reaction. Be the bigger person, and move on. But if you’re going to have the balls and be crazy enough to tell the other woman, you better do it the foolproof way by considering the following (P.S. This does not apply to one night stands and booty-calls. You chalk that one up and consider it a lesson learned. Sorry).

Be honest with yourself. Like, really honest with yourself. Ask yourself what the purpose of letting his girlfriend know about you two is. Then, ask yourself the real reason. Don’t let the vindictiveness cloud your judgement.

Be careful with your words. First and foremost, she is the victim here. Ignorance is bliss, and more than likely there’s probably a part of her that wishes you’d never told her about her lying, disgusting monster of a boyfriend. So be tactful. She’s going to hate you either way, don’t make it so easy.

Gather up more than enough evidence to build your case. This is probably the most important component of Operation Loca. You can’t just be crazy. You have to be genius crazy. Method to her madness crazy. You have to think of every single fucking excuse that cheating bastard will think of, and find proof that will trump his ass. Emails, texts convos, pictures, all with dates help a lot. He’s going to say you were just a booty-call or one nigh stand: prove him wrong. He’s going to say you knew he had a girlfriend: prove him wrong. He’s going to say he never cared about you: prove his ass wrong. He’s going to say you’re crazy: I rather be crazy than a liar.

Take responsibility for your actions. This shit ain’t gonna end well. Maybe it won’t end in the worst case scenario, but it definitely won’t end with her gratitude and respect. HE will also hate you. All them sweet nothings he whispered in your ear, and desperate cries for you to stay with him will be forgotten. He will despise you. So be prepared to own up to your shit. No half-steppin here. Because once you hit that send button or pick up that phone, it’s all or nothing. Good fucking luck.

And because you’ve been such a good audience, I’m going to throw in one more lesson for today. Don’t worry, it’s a short one.

How to be an even crazier bitch: Give the cheater another chance.

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One Response to How To Be A Crazy Bitch.

  1. Lisa says:

    Hey Abi,

    I’ve been reading for a while and I’ve found myself in a situation close to the one you described. Only problem is I feel a little too old to be THAT much of a crazy bitch. I’m a 26 year-old woman and I feel like I’m a tad too old to be taking part in things like this. I also still have feelings for the guy and I can’t help but go back for more despite the situation. Any advice for me?

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