January 5, 2014 was an extraordinary day for San Francisco. Especially for the patrons inside of Pete’s and Pedro’s on King St. Not only did the 49ers secure their playoff spot against the Panthers, but I smiled at a handsome stranger for the first time in my entire life.
I was walking down the stairs to use the restroom when I spotted a cute guy leaning against the wall checking his phone. I don’t know what possessed me to do it, but when he looked up at me I SMILED. That’s when trumpets started to sound off and the clouds outside parted. It wasn’t the greatest smile, but apparently the corners of my mouth were “turnt up” enough for him to recognize the familiar curve. So much that it prompted him to say, “Hey how are you doing today?” Wait. What? You mean to tell me all I have to do is smile at someone for them to talk to me?
Oh. But it gets better. I got Anquan BOLDin up in that bitch and actually replied, “I’m good thank you”. WHO AM I?! I don’t even know me anymore. But if you DO know me, then you’ll know how much of a feat this is for me. Granted the awkward took over immediately after that, and I disappeared into the restroom with my face down. But I walked back to the table with a triumphant smile and look of bewilderment on my face, as if I just witnessed a nun giving a leprechaun a blowjob in one of the bathroom stalls. One would’ve thought we had already won the game with the applause I received afterwards.
I know I sound ridiculous, but if you’ve read any of my previous posts about how awkward I can get, you’ll be sending me congratulatory cookies and flowers upon reading this (I like oatmeal raisin, snickerdoodle, black and white’s and tulips btw). Now that we’re in the semi-pro, let’s see if I can muster up the guts to say “Hello” next time.