Who’s Afraid Of The Big Bad Wolf?

I’m allowing myself one degenerate post for 2014, and this is it.

Over the weekend, I watched what is probably going to be one of my favorite movies of the year: The Wolf of Wallstreet. It’s the epitome of sex, drugs and stock brokers gone wild. I left the theater wanting to do excessive amounts of cocaine. Not even Tony Montana’s infamous coke mountain scene in Scarface had that effect on me.

There was one specific scene that prompted this moment of unclarity. It was when the main character Jordan Balfort was sniffing coke up a hooker’s asscrack. It was so raunchy, but hot, but dirty, but sexy. Ever since then, I’ve had the sudden urge to (brace yourselves) snort a line of coke off of someone’s dick. What? Who said that? SMH. I swear, sometimes even I can’t believe the shit that comes out of my own mouth.

Now, I am not encouraging/condoning drugs. I’ve never even smoked a cigarette, what more tried coke. But if I ever do, you best believe it’s going to be off of someone’s dick. And oh yes, there will be pictures. I just gotta make sure that the dick I snort it off of isn’t too big, and I get a fucking heart attack. Don’t wanna blow it now.

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