A lot of women say they want an honest man, but don’t know how to act when they finally get one. These are the same women who get mad at you for telling them that your homegirl slept over on the couch because she was too drunk to drive home. The same women men hide shit from to avoid a fight. I know a lot of men who are or have been in a relationship with this type of woman and are resorted to taking the, “What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her” approach. But what she doesn’t know is she has no reason to be mad, and what you need to know is when she finds out the truth it will only hurt her worse and cause an even bigger fight.
In Next Best Thing I talk about how the next best thing to hearing “I love you,” is hearing, “I don’t love you”. It may not be what we want to hear, but it’s definitely what we need to hear.
I had a man once tell me that he “loved women too much,” and it was exactly what I needed to realize that we were never going to work. When we stopped dating and I asked him how he was he said, “To be real with you, I’m dating too many. I’m burnt.” It was exactly what I needed to solidify that it wasn’t me, it was him. And no girl was going to make him change. It was also the first time he was ever “real” with me. I almost made a bad decision that day, but his brutal honesty enabled me to dodge a bullet. If he hadn’t been such an asshole, I would’ve given him a hug. He never gave me what I wanted, but he gave me what I needed. Fucked up, and too little too late but definitely effective.
My boy said that I’m probably the only girl he knows that believes in this whole honesty bit. Usually the truth is greeted with an uncomfortable silence, a pause two seconds too short. Then a fake, “Yeah. I’m fine.” The truth definitely isn’t for the faint of heart. But ladies if homeboy already lied to you, don’t add insult to injury by lying to yourselves too. And men, if you’re going to lie you better be absolutely, positively sure she will NEVER find out. At the very least, have a secret summer home you can run off to in the event she starts banging on your door at 2am. More than likely though she’ll find out about the summer home too.
Maybe I’m just old fashioned or either way a fan of cliches, but honesty is still the best policy in my book. Ignorance is bliss, and the truth hurts. But the truth heals too.