So I think I have a crush on Drake. It’s OK if you laughed when you read that, I laughed when I wrote it. I couldn’t even admit it to myself for at least a week, but acceptance is the first part of the healing process. Given my track record, Drake isn’t a likely suspect for me. Apparently, I date the assholes and the bad boys. But the more Big Ghostface and Kendrick Lamar, and pretty much anyone else that isn’t a Disney degenerate or Degrassi High alumni diss Drake, the more I want to invite him over, give him a hug, and feed him lumpia. I would make him my moms adobo, but lumpia is safer. Everyone loves lumpia.
I understand that it’s very easy for you to assume that I’d have a crush on anyone remotely attractive and seemingly “soft” with a crucial hairline if he made $150k a night. But I honestly think I’d still have a thing for him even if he was the FedEx guy (their uniforms are cuter than UPS’s, sorry).
See, ever since So Far Gone I’ve been a fan of his music. Not enough to attend one of his concerts, but enough to illegally download his albums or have his Spotify playlist on repeat throughout the day. However, it wasn’t until his recent interviews on Chelsea Lately and The Ellen Show that I realized he could get it (well, that and the one random ass dream I had about him where he kept kissing my neck while I was playing poker on his tour bus, WTF?). Look at him! He’s articulate, funny, sweet, and has a voice like butter. He just seems like a an overall really nice guy and contrary to popular belief, ladies do like that.
I honestly think me and the Champagne Papi would make a good couple. Matter fact, if you know someone that knows someone that knows Drizzy, give him my number. If “Drake the type of nigga that sing the alphabet, and cry when he get to X,” I hope he’s also the type of nigga that likes petite Filipina girls.
p.s. I don’t know why these Drake the Type posts kill me as much as they do, but here are a few of my favorites:
“Drake the type of nigga to let the bed bugs bite, just so they don’t go hungry”
“Drake the type of nigga to eat two gummy bears at a time, so they don’t die alone”
“Drake the type of nigga that jumps when sliding his jeans on”
“Drake the type of nigga to go to the supermarket, pick up a bruised apple and whisper “Who did this to you?””
LMAO. I’m done.