Everytime I tell someone new about my crippling awkwardness, I get the same three responses:
1. You? Awkward? But you write a sex blog!
2. It can’t be that bad.
3. JUST SMILE!
Yes I’m awkward, it’s not a damn sex blog, it is that bad, and Lord you’re going to want to grab some tissue and a tub of ice-cream for this one.
Believe it or not, but I’ve only attempted to smile at a stranger I thought was attractive twice in my life – both to no avail. The first time I was on the phone with Gail. I was walking down 5th St. when some cute guy was walking towards me. Just a few days prior, I had a serious conversation with Gail about making an effort to come out of my awkward shell. So I put my big girl pants on, and turned the corners of my mouth upwards whilst looking at Mr. Handsome. I was halfway to success before I started to cringe, and ended up laughing instead. Fail.
Fast forward at least two years later, and I’m walking down 2nd St. with Ren when I see a handsome man make eye contact with me. I’m having a good hair day, so I grow 1/4th of a ball and try to smile at him. Instead, I start laughing again. WTF?! Confused, Ren asks what was so funny (because apparently our conversation wasn’t) and I tell her my love life. My fucking non-existent love life is funny.
I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to do something I do at least 20 times a day anyway. I almost rather tell a person they’re handsome than smile at them. And God forbid I’d ever have to wink at a cute guy to save my life. I’d be DOA. At any rate, if you’re a cute guy and I’m laughing at you, ask for my number.