I don’t know why but I always prided myself in being a man’s woman. I guess as females we always like to think we’re different … just like every other girl. And just like every girl that’s one of the boys, I like to sit on the couch in my boxers watching ESPN in HD with a cold brewski in hand. Fuck yeah you can make me a sandwich, and don’t you even dare talk to me if it’s the bottom of the ninth, we’re up by one, and Wilson is on the mound. DON’T. EVEN. BREATHE.
But one crucial thing that separates me from the boys (asides from the fact that I like cock but don’t have one) is that I just can’t seem to get into football *dun dun dun*. I know, what kind of fucking guys girl am I? I’ve tried to get into it, but I just can’t! I can’t even pretend to like it. Which is a shame because my mom is one of the biggest football fans I know. Unfortunately, her football aficionado genes never rubbed off on me. Fortunately, her age-defying genes did. I’ll take it.
What I can’t take is sitting through an entire football game on television. It’s slow, boring until someone makes a good play, and I have absolutely no patience for it. Says the girl who likes to sit around and watch a bunch of pudgy people swing at balls and trot around bases all day. I just can’t take the stop-go-stop-go aspect of football, it’s one of the biggest cock teases ever. Football highlights? Fasho. Superbowl halftime shows and commercials? Awesome. Lingerie and Puppybowl? Awesome-er. Touchdown dances? Awesome-est. Everything else though? I’ll probably regret saying this later, but I rather be in the kitchen making guacamole dip.
However, I am totally down to attend a live football game at The Stick. Almost every sport is better in person. The food, the fans, the park, the atmosphere in general counts for at least 50% of the experience. I’ve yet to go to an NFL game in the flesh but will definitely do so once the season starts as tailgating is on my bucket list.
Until then, I’ll continue to be a typical girly-girl when it comes to football and just comment on how hot the quarterbacks arms are when he makes a hole in one. Just kidding, sheesh.