Because You Can’t Handle The Truth.

More often than I should, I wake up in the morning and hate what I see in the mirror. I look ugly. I have an uneven complexion. Red splotches on my skin here and there. My hair is thin. My teeth are crooked. I’m flat chested. I’m short. I have no hips. My ass isn’t big enough, my stomach isn’t flat enough. And I have bags under my eyes.

More often than not, I go to sleep at night crying. Feeling like a failure. Feeling like a fool. Feeling like life is so unfair. Feeling like I didn’t do enough, yet did all I could. Feeling defeated. Weak. Useless. Underestimated. Misunderstood. Tired. Bitter. Confused, and ultimately lost.

More often than I’d like to admit, I feel lonely. Like no man will ever like me. Like no man will ever love me (again). Like no man will ever want to take me on a date. Or care to put a smile on my face. Or share their dreams with me. Or want to meet my friends. Or hold me at night, and want to be there in the morning.

These are the feelings, although real and profound, I keep neatly tucked away behind happy hours and Sunday Fundays. Because no one wants to hear that noise. Not even I. Especially when there are so many beautiful sounds in the world. Like the laughter I create that makes me feel beautiful. The silence of critics when I prove them wrong. Or the loud, obnoxious banter of a room full of my friends who I know will never leave me for someone prettier, with bigger boobs and more money.

And even more than often, this is all it takes for me to know that life is beautiful and everything will be OK.

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1 Response to Because You Can’t Handle The Truth.

  1. Bianca says:

    You’e the very first blog that I’ve ever come across/been introduced to/have read. That was almost 4 years ago (or more I think?) and it’s still my favorite and the first one I read out of the millions I’ve come across over the years πŸ™‚ You write about things that I can relate to 100% but didn’t have the words to make sense of it in my head… and you make us all feel better about it in the end. You’ve helped me get through one of the hardest times in my life when my last relationship ended and I was trying to figure myself and everything out. That sounds so cliche but looking back now I remember it being so difficult to get through the day but reading your post was seriously the highlight of it that helped me keep my head up for the next. It’s hard to read the first part of this post because someone who does this for people (without even knowing) should not feel anything less than beautiful. But AGAIN, you make me feel a little less alone with this because I feel like shit sometimes about myself too and then I get frustrated even more with myself for thinking and feeling that way. Thank you so much for doing what you do and creating one of the things I look forward to seeing the most everyday! πŸ™‚ You’re amazing.

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