People sometimes pride themselves in not calling someone they shouldn’t. I know I do, but that’s the easy part. The real test comes when it’s 2:30am after the club, and a familiar ring tone goes off and it’s him.
I always wondered what I would do if that ever occurred. Would I answer? If I did, what would I say? Would I be cool and act as if nothing ever happened? Or would I say all the things I never got to say, and rip him a new asshole? It was one of those hypothetical questions I felt I could never answer until the opportunity actually presented itself. Then, one day a number that was all too familiar showed up on my screen.
And you know what I did? NOTHING. Absolutely nothing.
Not sure if it was because I was driving and didn’t want to crash into a tree, or even worse wind up in front of his house. Or maybe it was the shock over his audacity to even call that prevented me from picking up. Either way, I let that bitch ring straight to voicemail *cue Sunshine Anderson’s Heard it All Before*.
But OF COURSE it affected me. I couldn’t even listen to the message without having my girl screen it first (did I ever mention how much I love my girls?). Just the muffled sound of his voice alone threw me in momentary disarray. I was fully aware of what part I played in the making of that voicemail, and knew it opened up a can of worms. So I gave myself an hour or so to go Diary of an Angry Brown Woman over it … and then closed the can back up.
Because last month I wrote this blog, and initially thought I was being naive. But if there was any indication that I meant what I said, it was that first hour after he called. He was (barely) in my life again for an hour and shit was already more than I could stand, yet less than anything I could ever want.
So I deleted the voicemail just before I was about to listen to it again (le sigh). I cleared my call log. I deleted his texts, and even deleted the screen shots of his texts that I sent to my girls. I wanted so bad to reply back to the last thing he sent me, but opted to send Rach a “Just … fucking … NO!” text instead. Once again, I responded to him with NOTHING. Sometimes nothing is the best thing to do.
But if you’re stubborn like me and absolutely must do some thing …
“When the past calls, send it straight to voicemail – it has nothing new to say.”~Unknown