I know I wrote this post about my booty-call requirements, but I’d like to take this time to update the contract. Although adhering to it is “safe,” it also feels kinda, sorta, a lot weird. Just because I like to fuck, objectify men on a daily basis, and got the mouth of a sailor, it doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings. I’m a woman, I hoard them.
“I don’t want to give you the wrong impression,
I need love and affection.
And I hope I’m not sounding too desperate,
I need love and affection”
I’m lying. If we’re just fucking, I don’t even need you to love me. But I will need some affection. We don’t gotta spoon and shit, but if we just forked, I’m gonna need something. A simple hand on my thigh does the trick. Not so much that I catch feelings, but just enough so that I don’t feel like I just fucked a robot. You just came on my motherfucking ass cheek, and you ain’t tryna cuddle? Rude.
If I’m sleeping over, I’m also going to need adequate time in the morning to leave. Don’t worry, I won’t get comfy and start taking up a drawer in your dresser. But I would like to brush my teeth, take a ho bath, or even better a real shower. I just spent the night doing dirty things to you, let a bitch clean up afterwards, UTI ain’t no joke.
Lastly, I genuinely appreciate a man that is up front about his intentions. To go through the motions of planning a non-date, when we both know where the night will lead us seems like a waste of time. But I’m about to compromise a little of my self-respect by fucking you, HUMOR ME WILL YOU? Don’t get it twisted – I don’t want to date. That will for sure fuck things up, but the first time I meet you cannot be the first time we fuck. That’s just awkward.
I’m about to let you choke me while my legs are over your shoulders, all I’m asking is you put your arm around me in bed, let me wash the sex off my thigh, and meet me up for drinks. I won’t think you want to wife me up just because of it. Because I know you don’t want to give me the wrong impression either, and the lack of comfortability and intimacy is a way to enforce that. But if you really want to make sure I know we’re just fucking, the best way is to just say so.
I’m not asking for the world, maybe
You can give me what I want baby,
Come hold me tight, and when I’m drowning save me
Give it to me on the daily”