A Woman Who.

I know a woman who was in a verbally abusive relationship. The man she was dating would belittle her and call her names when it was completely unwarranted. He would do some shady shit. Whenever she would have the courage to fight back, he would somehow find a way to manipulate her into apologizing and thinking it was her fault.

I know another woman who was in a physically abusive relationship. Her ex-husband would beat her ass. When it was good, it was great. And when it was bad, he would drag her across the floor, shove her against the wall, and hit her closed handed. Still, she believed him when he’d say it was the “last time”. Until, it was the next time.

I heard of one woman who even after five years of getting cheated on, and an abortion, couldn’t leave her man. She would pay his rent, pay for flights, pay for his clothes, and pay for his car. Yet he couldn’t even pay her any mind. She lived thousands of miles away, yet she couldn’t break from his grasp.

I was a woman who caught a man in a bold-faced lie, yet still gave him the benefit of the doubt afterwards. I was a one-woman man who once settled for a man who saw other women. And I was a woman who allowed herself to get strung along for months, fighting alone in a ring for a relationship that no longer existed.

But not once did I ever feel sorry for myself. And as much as I feel bad for these other women, the sympathy never lasts long. It’s not that I’m heartless, it’s just that there comes a certain point in one’s relationship where you have to be accountable for the predicament you’re in. Those who hurt us? Those liars, those cheaters? We turn them into heroes by giving them a free pass afterwards. Sometimes I don’t know if I want to slap them or shake their hand.

Like they say, “expect what you accept,” and why on Earth would you expect a man to give you the world when you accept to be treated like dirt. Ladies, we can do better.

We gotta stop being the reason men treat us so badly.

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2 Responses to A Woman Who.

  1. Anonymous says:

    Although I mostly agree with this post, I wouldn’t say “we are” the reason men treat us badly. Men are abusive for various reasons, whether they’re trying to gain/remain control or because they’re working through (or not dealing with) their own shit. It’s their choice to choose abuse, and we make bad/unhealthy choices by staying with them, making excuses, and not leaving, but it is NOT our choice to be treated badly or abusively. Saying we are the reason makes it sound like we deserved it or we provoked it. But really, everyone makes bad decisions and makes mistake (even in a healthy relationship). We all have personal responsibility and we have to own our decisions, but others treating us badly or abusively is on the other person. Not us.

    • doowaditty says:

      thank you for your insight, i agree with you as well.

      “and we make bad/unhealthy choices by staying with them, making excuses, and not leaving,”

      that was my main point. regardless of the situation, no woman DESERVES to be abused, whether physically or verbally. however, i do believe that is is our responsibility to take ourselves out of situations we know put us in danger or no longer make us happy just as it is the abusers responsibility to change themselves for the better. we can’t control other people, nor can we expect them to change for us. staying in these abusive relationships doesn’t justify the abuse we get, but it doesn’t give men a reason to change either. it gives them power, thinking that they can get away with anything, because for the most part we let them.

      and btw, this applies to females being the abusers as well. matter fact, any type of relationship.

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