First Off Fuck Your Bitch, And The Clique You Claim.

I know I’m not supposed to feed into negativity, but I believe that everyone has a right to lament once a month. I also believe I’m just convincing myself it’s OK to talk a gang of shit right now. At any rate, below are some of my current annoyances, feel free to make me feel less of an asshole by sharing some of your own.

1) This shit right here: #nofilter #nomakeup. Unless it’s a non-filtered picture of a breathtaking sunset with colors so vivid you’d swear it was fake (or something of that nature) YOU’RE USING IT WRONG. I know I’m not Instagram God, but don’t nobody care if you took a picture of a banana #nofilter … unless it’s purple with pink polka-dots. Then, there’s the #nomakeup thing. I don’t know what annoys me more, girls who #nomakeup and expect a fucking cookie, or the girls who #nomakeup when they obviously have eyeliner or foundation still on. Here’s a hashtag for you: #GTFOH!

2) The fake ass pose. Back in the day when I used to think I was hot shit, I had my share of photoshoots. From these shoots, I learned how one can elongate their torso to create a more distinct waist to hip ratio and how to master the perfect “open mouth”  pose. This is how I know y’all are selling wolf tickets fo’ dat ass! Take a straight-legged profile pic and then we’ll talk about wedding cakes. While there are a plethora of pics on my IG feed that I could post to demonstrate this form of trickery, I’m not a fan of internet bullying so I’ll just let you be disappointed when you meet “big_booty_Judy” on IG in person only to find out she has an extended back.

3) Ombre vs. Roots. I’m not talking about girls with actual root growth attempting to pass it off as the ombre style. I haven’t seen anyone actually do that (thank God). But some of you actually go to the salon, get a fucked up “ombre” job, look in the mirror, see about 6-inches of root growth, PAY FOR THAT SHIT, then have the audacity to post it on your social media site of choice. If it makes you happy, then do you boo boo. I’m just saying, you could’ve just waited 2 months from your last dye job and got that shit done for free.

4) Bras worn with backless dresses. Or any other articles of clothing where you’re not supposed to wear a bra for that matter. I swear this is one of my biggest pet peeves ever. It’s especially unsightly when a beautiful woman does it, gah! If you’re confused, see that dress below? DON’T WEAR A FUCKING BRA WITH IT! Ladies, I know you are just trying to make your boobs look big by wearing it, but trust me it looks better without. I know men could care less about tacky attire when you look like a slut anyway, but damn, at least be a slut that looks put together.

5) It must be that time of the month, because I woke up this morning (after the post had already been published mind you) and thought of one more thing that annoys the shit outta me: The same. fucking. face. in. ever. damn. picture. I should probably hate selfies more than I do, but I don’t. I get it. You’re fine as fuck and you know it. If I was that fly, I’d probably do the same. But for the love of God, show us some variety! ‘Cuz if I see one more fucking duck face in a row …

That’s Zuly from BGC Mexico, and she is bad as fuck with her lesbian ass. That’s why it’s even more unacceptable that she insists on making the same face in every single picture. You fly as hell, do better boo!

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2 Responses to First Off Fuck Your Bitch, And The Clique You Claim.

  1. ak says:

    absolutely, fucking love your life. noone says it better than you.

  2. imee says:

    Thank you and Ahhhh-men! I esp. agree with 1, 3 and 5!

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