The Unicorn.

Remember when I wrote this story about my girl that never masturbated before? I nearly dropped the ketchup and drove to the nearest Good Vibrations to get her an early birthday present when she told me. So you can only imagine my disbelief when I had dinner with another girl friend of mine the other night, and she told me she never had an orgasm before. My dear brotha-Numpsay, what the fuck is going on here?! You should’ve seen my face after that. My mouth literally dropped open, and I asked her three times if she was sure.

“Are you sure?” I asked. “Are you sure you’re sure?” I repeated.

She was sure. And I, was dumbfounded. Not that I didn’t think women like her existed. I learned plenty about them in college during Human Sexuality class. I just figured they were some sort of myth or urban legend. Yet, there was one right in front of me: a 31-year-old woman who has never had an orgasm. She might as well have been a unicorn.

The unicorn told me it was pretty common for women to not get an orgasm until their 30s. I do remember reading that somewhere. I told her to call me the minute she gets one insisting, “I don’t care if the dude is still on top of you, YOU CALL ME DAMMIT!” What makes it even more appalling is my friend claims to be an extremely sexual person. Regardless of the fact that she hasn’t had an orgasm, she still enjoys it and it still feels good for her. Therefore, I cannot fathom how someone that has that much sex and experience, has never climaxed. Even when I’m with a new partner, I’m able to find my G-spot and direct him there. Maybe I’m just spoiled, or maybe my G-spot needs to play hard to get.

Either way, I have never been so excited for someone else to have an orgasm in my life. Now will someone please go buy this girl’s G-spot some flowers and candy tomorrow?!

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