“I wish you had caught me at a different time in my life,” he said as he held me closer. “I just have so many issues going on right now.”
I squinted at the digital clock in the distance. It read 2:47am. Is he fucking serious right now? It’s 3 in the goddamn morning and we had been silent in bed for nearly 15 minutes already, I was damn near asleep. Why now?
“Well, what are your issues exactly? How can I try to help, or at the very least understand if you can’t tell me?” I replied.
“I love women.”
Good God, I was dating Eric fucking Benet.
The conversation went on for at least half an hour more, with mostly him talking. With mostly him talking about ME. With mostly him talking about US. How he thought about me everyday and hated it. How he wanted to bring me to his cousins wedding when he got back from Miami. How good we look together, how good we are together, etc. But even though he brought up little details about our relationship, like what I was wearing on his favorite date. Or the first song we ever danced to – I knew it was a wrap.
Because the same night I realized this man genuinely cared about me, happened to be the same night I realized he just wasn’t ready.
And when a man isn’t ready, nothing and no one will make him feel otherwise.
It doesn’t matter how fine you are, how delicious your homemade dinners taste, or how good you ride that dick – a good girl will never be good enough to make a man want to be faithful if he simply isn’t ready to commit. As women, we have to remember that this is in no way a direct reflection of our worth. And as much as I still struggle with this concept, I still know it’s true.
Because I was an amazing woman to him. And I’m sure the girlfriend I later found out he had miles, and miles away was an amazing woman to him too.
“I want a girl when I want a girl,
And when I don’t want a girl I want a girl who understands that …”
(I knew you’d remember the song D! lol)