Moving Mountains.


For those who really know me, New York shouldn’t be much of a surprise. I’ve wanted to move here since I graduated high school. While I was hesitant, and at points even defiant, it was only a matter of time. Apparently, timing is everything. So what made me leave this time?

A man.

I wish I could see your faces right now. But listen carefully – I didn’t leave for a man. There’s no secret boyfriend living in the LES that woo’d me into leaving the city and people I love. And I didn’t move to run away from a man either. I know I can be pretty pathetic sometimes, but even I know you can’t run away from your problems – they always catch up.

However, a man unknowingly did inspire me to move. Matter of fact, it’s the same man that inspired me to quit my job back in November. Seeing his financial freedom, and how he was able to just come and go as he pleased was more mind blowing than the sex we had (and trust, the sex could rival armageddon). I admired his whimsicalness, and envied his lack for getting attached. While I experienced with brute force the negative repercussions of his carelessness, it also made me care more about my own priorities.

Looking back at this non-relationship I had with him, I had (and still have) plenty of gripes and regrets. I questioned my self-worth, and felt my dignity dissolve in his presence. I shed tears for this man. I beat myself up over this man. But I did not move because of this man. That would be giving him credit he didn’t deserve, and I’ve already done too much of that. But. I would’ve never made this life-changing decision, and experiencing this amazing opportunity had it not been for this man. And that’s the perspective I’ve chosen to take.

They say that everything happens for a reason, and people are in and out of your life with a purpose. If this is true, then he taught me not to settle for good, but strive for great. He was in my life to let me know I deserved better. In every way possible.

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3 Responses to Moving Mountains.

  1. Deborah says:

    Can I just say that I really love you. And bless you for writing these amazing pieces every single time. You helped me get through lots of shit because of your words. Just wanted to let you know that someone out there really appreciates your work(all the way from the Netherlands, you’re global baby!!!). I’m sure more people do. Thank you. Thank you for sharing this with us.

  2. linh says:

    Ditto what Deborah said.

    I’m definitely hitting you up when I visit my friend in NYC next spring! Funny thing is, just like you, he is a sf native (niner faithful, warrior and giant fan!) moving to NYC next month.

  3. Gel says:

    I’m a fellow Bay Area native and as I read your post I had 3 immediate thoughts. The 1st thought was “omg she’s me!” Then I thought,”wait is she talking E.D?!” And the 3rd was “good for her, not many girls have the balls to make moves that drastic.”

    At 19 I moved from the Bay for myself and at 28 I ended up moving back to the Bay for the man I married. It didn’t make sense for me to have a commuter marriage since the HQ for my company is based in San Jose and we bought a house in San Ramon. I miss my old adopted home and still kinda wish I was there. Living away from the Bay gave me a new perspective and a wonderful learning experience. I hope that you find your niche in NY and only come back if and when you are ready. Good luck!

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