My Girls I Do Adore – Throwback Thursday 07.07.11

I woke up to a series of thought provoking Tweets from one of my favorite bloggers the other day regarding female friendships. While I found it rather pretentious for him to say that men value friendships more than women do, as a mere observation I can definitely see where he’s coming from. Especially, when some of his observations ring true. I don’t think he intended for his initial tweet to come off as negative, and I’m not trying to change the minds of those who agree with him. I’m just contributing my personal explanation as to why things may seem the way they are. I suppose the best way to write about the topic would be to respond to the Tweets individually starting with this one:

My ex used to get annoyed that I referred to almost everyone as a “friend,” when really, as long as you weren’t a stranger and we’ve hung out a few times that’s pretty much the label you’re going to get. Not to undermine the definition of the word “friend,” or the value of the word, “friendship” but it’s unnecessary not to mention tedious for me to have to say, “Oh so-and-so? Yes, that is my acquaintance,” or, “Oh so-and-so? I worked with her for a few months. We’re cool, but we’re not close.” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I have hundreds of acquaintances, plenty of friends, but only a handful of girls. They know who they are, and are the only people that should care.

I actually see the validity in this. More so growing up, and especially in high school. Not that I didn’t care about people in high school, I probably cared about them too much and for all the wrong reasons. I didn’t even go to my high school reunion. If I wanted to see certain people, I would’ve made an effort to keep in touch with them to begin with. Female alliances are still rampant in 2011 though, and I see nothing wrong with them. Better an alliance of women bonding over seemingly petty things like How I Met Your Mother and Christian Louboutins, than a circle of catty bitches being jealous of one another or fighting over an ex-man.

Again, this relates back to what we individually define as friends, and acquaintances, etc. If our bridal party are our only friends, then what do we call the rest of the guests that aren’t family at the wedding? Exactly.

What can I say to this one other than – GUILTY AS CHARGED! LOL. I don’t know if this is because as a female I’m just too trusting of a person, or if it’s because I love vacations. I think it’s because I just like to have a good time with other people that like to have a good time. There’s actually people in my life that are awesome to bring to parties, yet I can’t have a conversation over 15 minutes with. And then there’s just some people I unfortunately didn’t get to meet sooner in life, but genuinely click with. The homie Jey also pointed out that women are usually just more welcoming whereas men have a tribe (or wolfpack) mentality.

This is probably the only thing Jozen has ever written that’s actually offended me. Not personally, but it’s almost like me saying a man can’t possibly love their child as much as a woman – and even that holds more clout because of the biological bond we have due to pregnancy. Perhaps I took the tweet out of context, BUT either way it’s a bold statement that definitely doesn’t seem like an “observation” on his part.

I’m sure what he observes are females constantly fighting over petty shit two dudes wouldn’t even waste a breath over. As well as a woman’s circle changing more often than a mans. But he’s not there when a woman cancels a date to take her girl out to dinner instead, because she’s crying over something that traumatized her months ago. He’s not there when a woman risks her own safety to rush over to her girls house, to pack up her shit before her physically abusive boyfriend comes home. And he’s not there when we have a chance to throw an ex-girl friend under the bus but don’t because we still appreciate the friendship we once had.

Some of my friendships don’t date back to the sandbox, and I barely even talk to the girl I consider my closest friend in the whole wide world. But that’s because I prefer quality over quantity, and because real friends can pick up from wherever and whenever they left off. I believe that the people I need in my life, are the people that need me in theirs. If that’s the case then not only am I blessed, but I’m honored as well.

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6 Responses to My Girls I Do Adore – Throwback Thursday 07.07.11

  1. Raaachem says:

    guilty as charged. as i recall, we bonded over bikinis. BIKINIS. whatever, i wouldnt trade you for anything. yes homo. tell jozen to suck it. literally. please. thanks.

  2. krisyee says:

    lol to Rach’s response. i think abi and i bonded over a mouse tablet…hahahah

  3. Xtine says:

    I agree with this post soo much! I had the same problem w/ my ex-bf. He always criticized me for considering everyone my friend when in his eyes they’re just acquaintances.

    Guys are just jealous that they can’t have fun w/ ppl they’ve just met. One of my closest friends now who I chill with a lot I only met a few months ago, but you’re right abt how sometimes you just click & have fun.

    The last tweet pisses me off like hell. IMHO, guys really don’t value friendship all that much. In the past month of being single, so many friends of my ex have made a pass at me & they wouldn’t if they rly cared abt friendship. And yea, men aren’t around when we drive 30 minutes out of our way b/c a GF is calling us in tears and she needs a ride home.

  4. Yesi Jukebox says:

    I dont understand his point in that last tweet.. If men value friendships then why cant we just be friends? A man should care about our friendship if he respects me and we get along, and not just push me to the side and say we cant be friends if he’s not getting the ass he wants from me. I think it’s really a subjective issue because I know men and women who value their friendships and ones who don’t. This guy I know from HS slept with his best friends girl after they had been together about 2 years already..granted she was wrong too but that’s not really valuing your friendship. At the same time I know we can find women who have backstabbed each other as well. I think he’s making assumptions and is way off base.

  5. doowaditty says:

    so this is what my girl replied with on facebook. the only thing i didn’t like about jozen’s statement was that 1) it was a STATEMENT based on no facts whatsoever and 2) when was he ever a woman? right. so there’s no way he could know. i can say “men cheat,” because this is a fact. i’ve been cheated on and so have many women i know. but i CANNOT say, “men don’t hurt when we cheat on them,” simply based off the observation that they can hide their emotions better than females because I’VE NEVER BEEN A MAN SO I WOULDN’T KNOW. i don’t mean to bash jozen at all, and while i can’t say i 100% agree with everything my girl said she definitely hits some points right on the nail!

    “We value it MORE, that’s why we’re so quick to cut a bitch off and try to find a friend who deserves our deep friendship connection. Men stay friends longer because they’re not as emotionally invested as women friends are, so they let shit… slide like your BFF sleeping with your ex, or flaking on an important event. They’re loyalty is like a dogs – you can kick it, not feed it, make it sleep in the rain and it will STILL love you. That’s not being a better friend, that’s being dumb.”

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