Ride the Crimson Tide

It’s Wednesday. If you frequent my blog, then you should already know. For the rest of you, this is the last time I’m warning you to read at your own risk as hump-day discretion is advised. Especially when we’re dealing with a subject as sticky *ahem* as having a threesome with Aunt-Flo.

“Young guys are afraid of women’s bodies. ‘My girlfriend’s having her period, what do I do?’ Fuck her in her period hole, you idiot. What’s the dilemma? I don’t give a shit. If you’re having your period, come on over. I’m 41, I’ll fuck the shit out of you. I’ll drink the blood, let’s party”~Louis CK

When I was younger, there wasn’t anything I wanted to do more than grow up. And for me, getting my period was a sure rite of passage into womanhood. I remember wearing pads prematurely, in hopes that my uterus would follow my lead. Then, in the summer going into the seventh or eighth grade while swimming at my best friends house, it did. It didn’t take me very long after to wish it never existed.

Ask any woman and they will tell you that bleeding out of their vagina one week a month SUCKS. The only thing good about getting your period, is getting your period. It’s uncomfortable, makes you want to kill everyone, can lead to some embarrassing moments, and obviously gets in the way of SEX. The fucked up part about it, you’re just as horny if not more.

If someone asked me if I’d ever have sex while on my period a few years ago, I would’ve said HELL NO. It makes me self conscious, it’s gross, it’s messy, and it stank. I don’t care if your pikachu normally smells like a Hawaiian waterfall on a spring morning, PERIOD STANK. But it was always more of a concern with how the man I was having sex with felt than my own. If he didn’t mind, I suppose I didn’t either. But what man on Earth wouldn’t mind? Freaks of nature apparently, and one of the last guys I dated happened to be one of them.

He was actually the one that insisted. He brought the towel out and everything. Meanwhile I’m sitting there asking myself as he’s pounding away, “Is this real life?” As soon as I realized that he genuinely didn’t give a fuck, all apprehension went out the door. However, it was one of those things that felt like it was a good idea at the time, but as soon as you were done a huge wave of shame soon takes over. While the aftermath wasn’t exactly a CSI crime scene, I really do hope he bought a new couch.

If you ask me if I’d ever have sex while on my period now, I’d say it all depends on how long I’ve been sleeping with the person, what kind of relationship we have, and how comfortable I am with them. All I know is I’ll never be comfortable enough to let a man perform oral sex on me during that time of the month. You’ve got to be some sort of psycho to enjoy that.

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