Shit Bitches Love

Because bitches love a lot of shit.

Seatwarmers. My homie Jeyel has some in his Lexus and I swear they make life worth living on a cold night #bitchesloveseatwarmers.

“That’s how you feelin?” music. You know, like Yassin’s Beauty in the Dark, or The Weeknd’s Loft Music. That sexy shit that makes you want to call that one dude you’re not supposed to call and do that thing with him you’re not supposed to do. Oh yeah, #bitcheslovethewknd.

Seat warmers + “That’s how you feelin?” music COMBINED #bitchesfuckinglovethatshit.

Being called “beautiful”. #bitchesfuckinglovethatshit! Are you kidding me? I wrote an entire blog about it here. You could be fighting with your lady, drop the “B” word and in a dick sucking minute it’ll be all good.

Magnum Condoms. I’ve heard they’re all the same, and Magnums are just some marketing ploy to stroke mens large … egos. What-fucking-ever, pull one out and a ho’s eyes will gleam like she really struck gold. The #bitcheslovemagnums.

Moscato/Prosecco: #bitcheslovesweetshit and ever since Drake mentioned moscato in “U Da Best,” moscato has become the new Alize. And with brands like Barefoot selling moscato and prosecco at less than $10 a bottle it’s no wonder #bitcheslovethatshit.

The chin touch/The small of my back touch. You know, when a man puts the tip of his fingers underneath your chin and tilts it up slightly, or when he places his hand at the small of your back in a, “You OK?” or, “Let’s go” type gesture? Yeah, the #bitcheslovethatshit. You might as well just pet our vagina.

Cooking for us. It doesn’t even matter what you’re cooking. Ramen, microwavable chicken wings, or french toast – if you’re cooking, we’re fucking. We know it’s not an extravagant meal, we know it’s not that serious to you, and we know there’s a possibility that you cooked for some other broad just last night. But it doesn’t matter, #bitcheslovementhatcookforus.

Channing Tatum: I’ve tried so, so hard to resist this dude. Even in Step Up and Dear John I wasn’t impressed. Sure he has the chiseled features, and hazel eyes, and body that screams for delicates to be washed on his stomach but for some reason or another he was still an acquired taste to me. I dunno, he just always seemed hella dopey. Yeah, all that fucking went out the window when I saw this clip. Then I watched The Vow, and now I love him so much I might actually let him put it in the booty-hole. Yeah, I said that shit. #allthebitcheslovechanningtatum.

So what do you love?

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6 Responses to Shit Bitches Love

  1. Hana says:

    Seriously. Moscato has been flying off the shelf of my bar. Especially on valentines day. And beauty in the dark is amazing, regardless what his name is! Talent is talent.

  2. 7 says:

    I am going to take the morning thinking about what I love now lol (but seriously!)

  3. Pingback: Shit Bitches Love pt II | Dear Abi | girlsarethenewboys.com

  4. Pingback: Shit Bitches Love Pt III. | Dear Abi | girlsarethenewboys.com

  5. Pingback: Shit Bitches Love Pt IV | Dear Abi | girlsarethenewboys.com

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