I’ve probably just single-handedly tarnished any innocence in the Dr. Seuss legacy by calling this blog that, but it was the first thing that came to mind – SORRY. Anyway, todays post is about the different but practical places I’d like to boink. I’ve already said before that my sex life hasn’t been as crazy as it sounds so the following places may not impress you. But guarantee that if you’re with the right person and in the right mood, they’ll definitely do. Like always, feel free to add a list of your own in the comments section!
On top of the world: I’m not referring to Santa’s Workshop either. I’m referring to the episode of MTV Cribs when Ice-T shows off his view and screams, “Look at me, I’m a rapper and I’m on top of the worrrrrrld!” It made me realize just how much I’d love to have sex on the balcony of some swanky hotel. Preferably one in Las Vegas like perhaps the wrap around suite at the Cosmopolitan. It’s Sin City anyway, not much you can do to make it more scandalous than it already is. And I feel like fucking on the terrace of some five-star hotel overlooking the Eiffel Tower would just ruin the ambiance of it all. There is no room for romance when you’re balcony banging.
Mile-high Club: While it may seem amateur, the cliche of the mile-high club almost makes it a requirement for sexual deviants. I actually think having sex in a bathroom is disgusting, what more one where you barely have enough room to wash your hands in it. But there is just something about having to strategically sneak past a bunch of people (who you’ll have to sit with the remainder of the flight dare you get caught) in order to have sex that makes it absolutely exhilarating. At the very least, I’m looking forward to giving my man an under the blanket blow-job during the next flight. Let’s hope it’s a red-eye.
Picture Me Fucking: Ah photobooths, a way to capture innocent memories like cotton candy with the siblings at the fair or you and your first love showing off the teddy-bear he just won you at the carnival. Leave it up to a perv like me to go and raunch shit up by wanting to reverse cowgirl in that bitch. When you think about it though it has all the perfect ingredients for an afternoon delight; a curtain for privacy, a stool for comfort, and your own personal photographer!
Sex on the Beach: Safe to say that if something has its own drink, it’s practically a household item and nothing special. But again, I feel as if this should be a given on someone’s list, like general education units. Truth be told, having sex on sand doesn’t sound that much fun to me at all. Whenever I’m laying on the shore and I let waves gently splash onto me, I still end up leaving with half the sand on the beach in my bikini bottoms. I’m definitely not looking forward to having half the sand on the beach in my vagina.
Alley-Cat: Drunk, and horny after the club and can’t even contain yourselves to make it home? Well there you go. Plus, it’s always nice to be shoved up against the wall during sex, and more than likely you’ll be wearing a dress for easy access anyway. Oh who am I kidding? Drunk and horny after the club makes almost anywhere suitable for sexing.