Abi in Wanderland

I am a perfect mess. Well, you know. When I’m not just a straight mess. If you could see what goes on inside my brain, you’d need a yack-bag because things are constantly churning at a hundred, thousand, trillion. You’d also think I need some sort of sex therapist considering the number of dirty thoughts that flow through my brain at any given time. Yup, there goes one right now…

At any rate, my mind along with my life is in a disarray. Which is why it surprised me when my homie pointed out that I have eating OCD one day during lunch. I thought I’d be the last person on Earth with some sort of superfluous organization. I guess somehow, amidst the confusion I manage to make things work. Call it organized chaos if you will, but there is usually a method to my madness. Usually.

Right now though, I feel as if it’s just a mess. Just chaos. Just madness. I seem to have lost sight of what’s important. My priorities are out of order. At times, I even forget what they are. Insignificant things have sucked the life out of me. I’m lost in lust, and guilt, and shame, and self sabotage. And while this isn’t anything new, this time around it’s just a little too much.

I need to fucking focus.

J.R.R. Tolkien once said “All those who wander are not lost” (btw I refuse to believe he’s the originator of that line, can anyone verify this?). And this is true as explained by my Hayati here. I mean how else would you find shortcuts? Secret tulip gardens? That Korean restaurant built inside someone’s garage? Just a few weeks ago on Halloween, me and Ren wandered off by ourselves and, well, let’s just say we didn’t get lost.

So wander. Wander to a new country, a new job, a new home, or even a new love. Just don’t stray so far that you forget what direction you were headed in.

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