No Porno.

I intended on blogging about my Top 3 favorite porn stars today until I realized that I only have 1.5. Yeah long story, but upon struggling for the remaining 1.5 I came across two revelations: 1) Good God I watch too much porn and 2) there are a few things in porn that I just cannot tolerate. So seeing as I had better luck listing this topic, I will proceed to write about it instead, starting with …

1) Gagging noises during head. I get how men can find it hot considering it either means the chick has bad gag reflexes, or most likely that your dick is above average. But as someone that likes to give head? Even I wanna yack while listening to it. All the gargling noises just remind me of when I’m brushing my teeth and accidentally swallow some toothpaste and wanna lightweight throw up. I wouldn’t want someone to yack on my vagina so why would you want someone to throw-up on your dick?

2) Anal sex. I know, I know. Don’t knock it ’til you try it. And I’ve heard wonderful things from those who have tried it and loved it (fucking freaks lol jk!). I have yet to let someone enter where it’s an exit only, and after watching this one Asa Akira flick the other night, it may be a looooong while before I do. It’s one thing to get it from the back door, but another thing when the back door looks like the fucking garage afterwards! akljdsfkljsdlf. By the end of the scene Asa literally had an ass HOLE. It was gaping. I could stick a golf ball in that bitch, and I’m sure it wouldn’t have been the first time. Granted the circumference of the dudes dick was Jupiter but STILL. It was just. All sorts of. WRONG. And I immediately x’d out the window after seeing it.

3) Too much dirty-talk. Don’t get me wrong, I am a fan. Ninja sex is only fun when you can’t be loud due to thin walls, or someone else in the room … I mean, not that I’ve ever done that before. But too much of it KILLS it. It’s very rare you find a porno where all parties involved are actually good looking but I found one that was close enough. Johnny Sins and Eva … Eva something. I was all excited and shit and then the bitch started sounding like the Exorcist on some Twista flow. I literally laughed out loud. She wasn’t even talking to the dude no more, just blabbing out some shit. I think I heard her recite the emancipation proclamation somewhere in there.

I have a few runners up like high pitched voices, exchanging cum orally, and balls touching during double penetration but it’s a few hours after St. Patties and I’m wasted so I’ll leave it at this. If you’d like to add anything to the list feel free to do so as usual.

P.S. I really wanted to include an illustration with todays post but I just didn’t want to risk the possible viruses that would’ve came up had I googled “Double penetration,” or “gaping asshole”. SORRY.
This entry was posted in Sex. Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to No Porno.

  1. Anonymous says:

    >So who are your 1.5 favorite pornstars?

  2. ♥ audrey says:

    >Omg you got me literally loling at the airport. I'm with you on all of the above.

  3. Anonymous says:

    >"I was all excited and shit and then the bitch started sounding like the Exorcist on some Twista flow." WOW, this really made me laugh. Most of the times I turn off the sound because most of the woman are way too noisy..

  4. Mouf.Peace says:

    >i'm sayin that eva chick must've spit the entire busta verse off look at me now during doggystyle! and tera in her prime will always be my fave except she was a boring fuck. def best looking to me though. kristina rose is cute but i mostly like her only cuz she looks like a chick i could b friends with lol

  5. DJ CMC says:

    >in Samuel L. Jackson's voice "well allow me to retort" i got a few quams about porn myself:-Japanese pornstars; i have one favorite, Maria Ozawa, easy on the eyes n cute as fuck…but when u get to drillin she sounds soo annoying. she just never shuts up with the high pitched moans…not hot, like ur fuckina squeeky couch. -DEVILS 3SOME…2 dudes and a chick…not a homophobe, but one dick in the scene is better than 2…plus penises just dont look pretty-CENSORING OF PENETRATION, only found amongst asian porn, but it doesnt make sense to me-TITY-FUCKIN…unfortunately i have never tried this, but it just isnt pleasurable to a woman, unless she has like a magical-vagina-tit. so the moanin when shes gettin titty fucked is all FAKE…ruins my fun!-totally not rasicst, but…black chicks in porn…every type of race has their ugliest in the batch of porn, but its usually the small-no name pornstars. but the some of the black chicks they get look like skinny-crack heads. arent there any Halle Berry lookin Pornstars? just sayin….but like i said that goes for alot of other races too…Asians got Fobs, but the top notch Asians girls make up well for all the fobs…along with the white girls/latinas….theres enuff hot ones to outweigh the uglies…im just sayin LOL

  6. Anonymous says:

    >I was a fan of Kristina Rose until she did the Tila Tequila sextape. I guess I get disappointed when these chicks open their mouth. Asa is a beast though!!

  7. Mouf.Peace says:

    >christian – ok and i thought i watched too much porn! lol jk. yes, visual penetration is a must! i don't have boobs so i would die before i ever successfully managed to titty-fuck someone but i'm going to say it's the thought of pleasing the guy that turns the girl on. or maybe knowing that her tits alone can make a guy that turned on. just a thought.anon – oh shit i just watched that but didn't noticed who the other girls were. i just kept thinking, "good God I remember when tila tequila was just tila nguyen an "import model" wtf happened to her?" and yes, i don't think asa's the finest porn start out there but she is a BEAST in the bedroom!and ok 7 – u deleted all those comments but i wanted to say, "damn and i thought christian watched a lot of porn!" haha. but you better believe i went and googled all the girls u mentioned haha, good lookin!

  8. Se7en says:

    >lol! I deleted my comments, as I did not want people Googling those names and then having your blog showing up in search as links (I only thought of that afterward). You do not need the type of traffic that brings – trust lolI also have plans to run for political office someday (seriously) and have to watch such things being tracked back to me.*YIKES*

  9. Anonymous says:

    >Her name is Eva Angelina! hahahah. Sooo annoying but shes a beast in the bedroom! PS, you can never go wrong with brianna banks IMO

  10. Se7en says:

    >I have met Eva! I did not know she was an adult actress! (This was maybe 6-12 months ago)We spoke of her marriage and of leaving her career behind to start a family. I think she said she was 24? She was very intelligent (and had a great personality).So I guess that career was an actress of the adult persuasion?Crazy!(And she mentioned being blind without her glasses)P.S. Briana? Where are her curves?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s