TODAY IS THE LAST DAY TO VOTE GATNB, ENTRY#1 FOR 7×7′s VDAY CONTEST!

I’m so blessed to be a finalist for 7×7′s Valentine’s Day contest!

If you’ve ever read a post of mine, if I’ve ever made you laugh or cry or raise one hand in the air and utter “‘Chuch!”, if you’re happily in love, if you’re single and loving it, if my hump day post make you horny, IF YOU COULDN’T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOUR FRIENDS, please visit the link below or click on the image and vote for ENTRY #1! 

You can vote as many times as you want, with the last day being 2/3. Thank you SO, SO, SO very much!

PLEASE VOTE ENTRY #1 

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2012 So Far

When the lights go down in the city, and the sun shines on the Bay

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#Occupy Front Street

When I was in college I went through what I like to call my “Earth Tones” phase. It was when I used to wear a shitload of brown, green, beige or similar like colors. From the headwrap on my head to the cowrie shell choker on my neck, to the skirt I wore OVER my jeans; if I could lay against a tree and disappear against it, I’d wear it. During this time in my life, I was heavily involved in social activism, spoken word, and underground hip-hop. I’m talking small section to the right on the back wall of Amoeba Records underground. I’m talking Planet Asia, Aceyalone, underground. I’m talking if it looked like they spent more than $50 on production and distribution I ain’t buying it underground.

And then I realized that I didn’t like half the shit I listened to. But more than that, I didn’t like half the people who listened to it. These were the people that thought Mos Def would be a “sell out” if he wore an expensive watch, mind you this was long before his movie career. The same people who would rather have sickle cell anemia than listen to the radio. The same people all for the struggle that have never had a job and drive home from school in the Mercedes their parents bought them. The same people who would raise their fist in the air to the conscious sounds of Dead Prez, then fuck someone that wasn’t their girlfriend or have a one night stand with someone else’s man.

While I did enjoy a good amount of the music, I was swaying to the rhythm amongst a crowd of walking contradictions, music snobs, and hip-hoprocites that were the very essence of what they hated only on the flip side. When really, I didn’t mind the radio (except for commercials and techno), and I loved shaking my vivrant thang to Vivrant Thang.

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Tori Kelly – Music Mondaze

I swear. Just when I think I can hold even the slightest of notes, some bad bitch like Tori Kelly wanna do a cover like this. And then I remember I’m just kidding. Girl on the beatbox is nice as well.

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Contact Info – DearAbi@girlsarethenewboys.com

Happy Monday folks. Thanks to Jeyel, I finally got my official email up and running! If you haven’t noticed already, I am no longer doing “Dear Abi” posts from here (because I realized I am way too fucked up to be handing out advice), but for questions, inquiries, or comments feel free to email me at DearAbi@girlsarethenewboys.com. Thank you!

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Technically Speaking

Somehow I’ve tricked my male friends into thinking I possess some sort of logic and rationale when it comes to dating and relationships. A lot of the time they’ll confide in me because they either genuinely like a girl, and they don’t know what to do or because a girl genuinely likes them, and they don’t know what to do. In both cases, and especially in the latter I always tell them to, “Just be honest.” 

Some men think telling the truth is overrated, but it actually gives you a license to be a complete jack-ass. When a man is honest with a woman from the jump by saying, “I don’t want to be in a relationship,” he relinquishes any commitment or responsibility she was hoping to potentially have with him. If she decides to stay around in hopes that he will in turn come around, but gets hurt in the process – that’s technically her fault not his.

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Keep it Moving – Flashback Friday 04.12.11

Getting over someone by getting under someone else doesn’t work for me. Even before I found out it wouldn’t, I knew I couldn’t. It just ain’t my style. I tried before and it backfired. And you know what? Getting over someone by simply getting next to someone else, isn’t any easier. Sure, it eases the pain but it never erases it. Whatever works though right?

I used to have this theory that being single was only awesome if you were dating three guys at the same time. That way, you’d be so busy with your juggling act that you could never completely open up to just one person. If you ever caught even the slightest of feelings for one, at least one of the other two would distract you from it (hey, don’t judge me. I was 16 when I came up with this theory and back then it actually worked!).

We all do what we gotta do to move on.

Some people fuck the pain away. Some wallow. Some people get on that Kanye workout plan. Some run, some take up a new hobby. Some bury themselves in work. Some take a vacation, while some seek refuge in a comfy spot on the floor in the corner of their room. Some see a therapist and some see their four year-old baby nephew.

Some people turn into party animals after a failed relationship. I am not usually one of those people. I prefer to stay home and cry into the tub so I can drown myself in it later. Putting on makeup, pretending to be happy, and being drunk and vulnerable are the last things I want to do … but sometimes it doesn’t even have to be that serious.

Sometimes, all you really need is a night out with your girls. Sans the heels, short skirts, and extensions. Just some good times, a baseball cap, and a pitcher or two. I won’t lie, it helps if a group of cute guys wanna join your table too. But no one even needs to hook up or exchange numbers. It’s just good to know the option is still there and you still got it.

A night out won’t necessarily help you get over someone, but focusing on the fact that life does exist after love and you can have fun without “him,” or “her,” will help you move on. And the key to moving on is to keep it moving. Physically, and most importantly, mentally. Difficult? Probably. Impossible? Of course not.

Like Confucius said, “It does not matter how slowly you go, as long as you do not stop.”

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