Hate That I Love You

1 Apr

Most people can’t wait to hate a person, in hopes that the anger they feel will replace the pain. In hopes that eventually, the hatred will replace the love. So they think of each and every fucked up situation the other person put them through. Every hurtful word that came out of their mouths, and the times when they should’ve said something but walked away instead. They search, and search. For something. Anything that will stop them from wanting to drown in a sea of their own tears and instead start using a picture of their face for target practice.

And this works for most people. But I am not most people. And “hating” someone, even if they deserve it, takes up too much energy. You are giving that person more credit than they deserve.

So I say, look forward to loving that person instead. In hopes that the love will replace the pain. In hopes that eventually, love will replace every ill-feeling you painstakingly held in your heart. Until it no longer hurts you to love them, until it no longer kills you to miss them. Until you can think about him or her and be thankful for, instead of regretful of the time you had together. Until you are no longer numb, but instead – indifferent.

And I know you’re not ready right now. You’re still holding onto that rock in the middle of the ocean when all the people who love you are back at shore waving, and cheering for you to swim on over. And I know you’re still angry, as you have every right to be. All of that is perfectly fine. But just know that for every minute you spend attempting to hate someone, is a minute you could’ve spent loving someone else – that someone else being yourself. ‘Cuz like they say, “It’s easy to hate, but it takes courage to love.” And when you finally let go of that rock and decide to swim back to shore – you’ll realize you are one of the most courageous people you’ll ever meet.

You’ll also realize that that ocean was only 3 feet deep.

He Said, She Said

1 Apr

[10:33] Him: fuck
[10:33] Him: im in love with justin bieber
[10:33] Him: no homo
[10:33] me: dude, im sorry but there is no way u can NO HOMO that comment
[10:34] Him: its a girl right?
[10:34] me: lmao, nice try

"I go hard, baby. And then I crash and burn"

31 Mar

Damn, I don’t even need to blog anymore. I’ll just keep reposting Jozen’s shit lol.

“I am honestly, the most expressive man I know this side of Barack Obama. I always say exactly how I feel to whom I feel, which is why, there are some people in my life with whom words just don’t work. For some people in my life, saying nothing at all is the only way they know how I truly feel.”

From The Deafening Sound of Saying Nothing at All

Breakfast

31 Mar

FML I just burped Jager Bomb.

Why I’m Marrying Jozen

30 Mar

“That was last year, and I have missed you ever since.

The more I search for a reason not to think about you, the more I find a reason to think about you. Do you know what that’s like? To think about not thinking about someone? It’s like a dog chasing their own tail.

Do me a favor and get the hell out of my head and heart. Go somewhere else. Be someone elses albatross, please. It’s been a long time, and you’re still here. I still miss you, and frankly, it’s getting in the way of some rather important things like other women who are good to me but I can never manage to keep.

I don’t compare them to you, but I compare myself with them to myself with you, and it never quite matches up, so I have to move on. Because when I was with you, I was the man I wanted to be, and with these other women, I’m the man I feel like I was forced to be largely because you left me.

Damn it, if you’re going to be here, then really, really be here. Quit being a figment of my imagination. I know you’re real. Just show up and say something like you heard a rumor that I missed you so I can tell you that it wasn’t a rumor, what you heard. That it was true.”

From “I Want to Run Into You Every Single Day”

6 Months

30 Mar

On Sunday my girl told me about this big fight she had with her “ex-boyfriend turned kinda-sorta still her boyfriend but not really” the night before. It consisted of yelling, screaming, honking at 3am in front of her house, stubbornly walking home barefoot, and her purse being thrown out of a moving vechicle. They haven’t talked since. If you ask me, I think they’re both ridiculous. And probably, a little dysfunctional (I only say this because I know their situation). But – I also know they care a lot about each other. This doesn’t mean they should be in a relationship, BUT I told her I do think it means they should end on a better note, even if it’s not one sang together.

This morning my boss came in and I asked her how her weekend was. She’s currently training for a Breast Cancer walk and said she reconnected with an old friend whose sister coincidentally is her aunt’s bff. She had the pleasure of meeting her at a function in Golden Gate park yesterday and said that although she was tiny, her presence was enormous and full of life – especially for someone who had Stage 4 breast cancer and was just told she only had 6 months to live. I was amazed.

I told my boss that I don’t think I could handle knowing that I only had 6 months to live. I’m not even sure if I’d want to know. But she said she would, because it would give her time to prepare herself. Time to spend with those she cared about. And it would give her no time to let pride get in the way of making amends.

I began to think of the people I’d want to spend the last 6 months of my life with and it’s the same exact people I’d want to spend the next 6 months of my life with now, ailment-free. Do you know how you’d spend the last 6 months of your life? Who you’d spend them with? What you would do? The places you’d go? The things you’d say and the people you’d say them too? Don’t wait ’till the last 6 months to let them know.

I know EXACTLY what I’d do, and EXACTLY what I’d say. Sometimes life gets in the way of doing and saying them, but who knows when that life will be taken away. So even though I’m healthy, and probably in the best shape I’ve been since … well … forever, I’ll start off with this:

Thank-you.
I’m happy for you.
I miss you.
I forgive you.
I love you.
I love you some more.

The people those 6 simple lines go out to should already know who they are. And if yall don’t? Here’s one more: I’m sorry.

Happy Birthday Kris!

29 Mar

Editors Note: For some reason my comments aren’t showing up on my computer but for the person who asked the brand of my jacket, it’s from H&M. They have a few similar styles too in other colors as well :)

Happy birthday to my chinita, my neighbor, my wing-woman, the only Asian woman I know that can drive, and most importantly – one of my newest yet most beloved friends Kristina!



Grab your dancing shoes bitch, this ones for you!

29 Mar

“Bad artist copy. Good artist steal.”~Picasso
“But a REAL artist writes their own fucking shit.”~Me

And that’s all I have to say about that.

The Friend Files

29 Mar

When I first meet a guy, I can usually tell within the first 5 minutes if he’s going in my “Friend folder,” or “I could take it there,” file. Because usually, I know right away if a man has the potential to be MY man. In no way does that mean he will be my boyfriend (‘cuz shit who says he’s even interested?), it just means I wouldn’t mind getting to know him in a “more than just friends” way. It means, “pending until further notice.”

But not everyone is the same. And there comes that rare occasion where you meet someone who you put in your friend file, but somehow made their way out of it and into your hands for review. Either they supported you during a really hard time in your life. Or you heard her sing for the very first time. Or he popped a 12 o’clock wheelie in front of you. Or her new haircut looks really, really good on her. Or he sent you the perfect text message at the perfect time. Whatever it was, it made you tilt your head to the side and go, “Hmmm.”And then all of a sudden they become slightly more attractive, and you start to look at them in a slightly different way.
So now you’re questioning yourself. “Could I actually like this guy/girl?”
When two people who are friends first gain feelings for each other, the biggest concern they have is making shit awkward and possibly ruining their friendship. Sometimes the feelings are mutual. Sometimes they aren’t. And then (and the worst scenario to me) sometimes you THINK you’re interested, but really? You were just having a “moment,” and just as soon as you get turned on, you’re turned off and you remember why you put this person in the friend file to begin with.
So don’t get shit twisted and make sure that what you feel is real. Nobody wants to get hurt, nobody wants to lose a friend, and nobody wants to be just a “moment.” Because even worse than the “Friend file” is the “Case closed” file.

Everybody Get Ur Role On.

27 Mar

I used to always think role-playing in the bedroom implied a wig, patent leather nurse outfit, and corny lines like “It’s time to take your temperature big boy,” until I randomly came across this Nicki Minaj interview on YouTube. The concept is nothing new but I absolutely love the way she breaks it down. One of my personas is definitely gonna have to be an alcoholic ‘cuz my shy ass is gonna need a shot or 5 in order to try this out lol.

What do you guys think about role playing in the bedroom? Ladies, do you role play (Ashley I know your freak ass is gonna answer this question)? Fellas, what characters would you like your girls to embody?