I was up ’til almost 6am listening to drunk people stories, and even though I didn’t get up ’til 12pm I was still sooo tired. Thankfully I was able to summon up enough energy to “get up, get out, and do somethin” ‘cuz it was a gorgeous day at the lake! You’d never guess it rained cats and fucking dogs the next day. No, seriously I think I saw a Doberman drop from the sky and land on the car in front of me it was pouring so hard.

Was supposed to go bar hopping Sat. night but I didn’t want to drink so that would’ve been pointless. Plus, after eating this at Rach’s, along with a plate of Kim Chee beef friedr ice, followed by 2 glasses of Moscato, it was pretty much a done deal.

P.S. I think it’s so adorable Adonis does this when he’s ready to sleep. Kids always have their sleeping habits, I still do mine.

• Last night I had a dream that I was walking around and everything I waved my hand over turned into chocolate. I specifically remember passing by this stroller, waving my hand over it, and it turning into M&Ms. The funniest part is the last text message I received before I fell asleep said “Sweet Dreams.” Sweet dreams indeed. What a fat ass *smh*
• cow-ard -noun 1. a person who lacks courage in facing danger, difficulty, opposition, pain, etc.

My girls think I’m single because I’m scared. My boys think I’m single because I’m picky. My mom thinks I’m single because she swears no one will ever be good enough for her “little girl.” And for the longest time I thought I was single because I was crazy. Because I was unworthy, because I didn’t deserve to be loved. Because I was dysfunctional and stupid.

And then one day I woke up and realized I’m single … because I choose to be. DUH.

Because I don’t need to get under someone just to get over someone else.

Because I can handle being alone.

Because sometimes, dudes can’t handle having a beautiful, intelligent, funny, caring, outgoing, and talented girlfriend that gets along with everyone because other people notice she’s all of these things too.

Because I don’t settle. And this has absolutely nothing to do with looks or money.

Because I don’t need to be put on a pedestal by someone else just to validate everything I should’ve already known.

Because quite honestly, I wouldn’t know how the fuck to act in a relationship right now.

And most of all, because when it comes to having a boyfriend – I DON’T PLAY. I make sure it feels right. I make sure it IS right. I make sure I’m not in a relationship, just to BE in a relationship. I make sure I’m not just filling a void my past boyfriends have left behind. I make sure I’m ready. That he’s ready. That WE’RE ready. I make sure it’s not just some rebound. Not just for “fun.” Not just “there.” Not just someone to fill the other side of the bed. Not just someone to help me get over the last guy.

Because when it comes to having a boyfriend, I will do everything I possibly can to make the relationship work and make him happy so I want to make sure he’s worth it. And sure my judgement may be off sometimes, but you also have to take risk. Because you never know unless you try. So if me being single gets mistaken for me being scared, or picky, or snobby – well then I guess I rather be all that. ‘Cuz the last thing I want to be, is in a relationship just because I don’t want to be single.

“‘Cuz I can’t breathe when you talk to me,

The seagulls were reppin hard lol. We may not always win, but I’m a die-hard orange and black fan ’til the day I die. It’s more than a fashion trend, I’ve been attending games before I could even pronounce players names. Gigantes por vida pinche puta.

Now don’t get shit twisted. I am not one of those serial monogamist. I don’t live to be in a relationship. I’ve only had 2 real boyfriends and didn’t need fillers in between. I was single for years, and 75% of those years I absolutely loved it. But I’m only human, and I have my moments. This was one of them.

Because one of the things that I miss most about being in a relationship is being able to share the things and experiences that mean the most to you with the person that means the most to you. And vice versa. As much as I advocate being selfish in certain aspects, nothing compares to the feeling of being completely unselfish with the people that deserve you in their lives.

Once upon a time, long ago, I had a boyfriend who was a musical beast. Everytime his fingers would touch an MPC machine, I swear it was certified fire. Even though it was just a hobby for him, I felt like Kanye West’s mother (RIP) everytime he’d play me a track through the phone or call me into his make-shift studio in the garage to hear a beat fresh out the oven. I was a proud girlfriend. But most of all, I was an honored one. Honored, and happy that I was always the first person he’d share things like this with. I felt special because my approval and interest were always on his mind.

And whether it’s something as monumental as landing a book deal, buying a new car, or finding a new apartment or something as seemingly insignificant as perfecting my standing bow pose, eating Bi-Rite ice-cream for the very first time, or beating a new level in rhythm heaven on MeThu, part of the pleasure I get from all these things is being able to share it with someone I love. Everyone has that one special person in their cell phone that they immediately go to upon hearing good news, bad news, coming home from vacation, or watching a YouTube clip so hilarious they feel the need to tell that person to watch it too. And currently, I don’t have that one person.

But it’s ok. Because I have 6 of them.

My “hexafecta” if you must lol. They’re not the same kind of “special,” but trust they still mean the world to me. So no need to Formspring me with encouraging words, or email asking if I’m OK (not that it isn’t or wouldn’t be appreciated). ‘Cuz just a few days ago I was guilty-free relishing free drinks from guys that liked my “hat,” and in 2 days I’ll be hanging out at one of my boy-friends’ spots in the East Bay and most likely sleeping over ‘cuz I’m too lazy (or hammered) to drive home. And I won’t have to check in, or explain myself to anyone.

Like I said, 75% of the time, I love being single. But I’m only human, and I have my moments. This is one of them.