One of my most favorite movies growing up was The Labyrinth. The first time I watched it was when I was still in elementary school and visiting family in Jersey. During this trip I watched it so many times I ended up remembering the script word for word. “I wish the Goblins would come take you away. Right. Now.” “Turn back Sarah, before it’s too late!” “You have no power over me!” As you can see, it’s still one of my favorite movies. As beautiful I thought Jennifer Connely was in her glittery ballroom gown, I thought David Bowie was equally gorgeous in his … silver eyeshadow and spandex leggings?
I’m sorry, what?
Yeah, I dunno either. But just when people seem to think they have my “type” down, I go and throw them (and myself) a curveball like Jareth the goblin king. While I will always be a fan of the typical “manly man” and all of his stereotypical traits, my attraction to the androgynous was recently confirmed when I discovered Taeyang of the K-Pop group Big Bang. I mean, the entire group uses more product in their hair than me and my friends combined.
But the most blatant example of my attraction to femine side of man is probably my afinity for the gayest straight man on Earth: Prince. Let’s see. I’m pretty sure we’re the same height although his heels are higher than mine, and he can walk better in them. We can also probably fit the same clothes, he’s so damn dainty! But this is awesome, because I’ve always wanted a pair of assless pants. He wears more eyeliner and powder than I do. Definitely more high maintenance than I am. I don’t own a single ruffly shirt, but I think his collection has its own walk-in closet. He squirms and crawls on the floor, and can hit notes higher than I can. Yet, just a whisper from his lips is enough to make most women ovulate on the spot. He even got fellas like Jamie Foxx paralyzed by his hypnotic, fawn-like stare.
I guess I’ll never know what exactly makes him sex on a stick, but apparently Carmen Electra, Appolonia, Shelia E., Bria Valente, Vanity, and Mayte know. And if we were the same age you best believe I’d let him fuck the diamonds and pearls outta me and find out myself.