Dear Abi | girlsarethenewboys.com

Seen this on one of my favorite stylists’ blogs and had to repost. I love the idea of shoe jewelry. I kinda love damn near everything on this site: Litter SF. I also love that this line is based in my hometown. However, i DON’T love that $245 price tag. Might as well by a new pair of shoes LOL. Do I hear a DIY project? Betsey? I love u. LOL.

I totally wrote a goddamn 5 page essay about people, females especially, who talk shit about go-go dancers (and assume instead of ask PERIOD) as if they personally know each and every one of them. But then I realized that I’d be giving these snatches waaaaay too much credit by publishing it. So instead I’ll say this …

I ain’t buggin over the stereotypes go-go dancers get, I’ve heard ‘em all and I break ‘em all. Dance half nekkid inside a cage at the club and ur bound to get judged, it comes with the territory. That ain’t my beef. My beef is with these so-called conscious daughters that wanna get all righteous on a mufucka as if they’re better than the next woman. Preaching about sisterhood and how we should support one another … yet are so quick to talk shit about sumthn they don’t understand. Berating to the masses how we should think outta the box … but stone those who dance on top of one. Like damn, did a go-go dancer run over ur puppy?

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I’m not offended by the shit I hear ‘cuz I know yall little girls ain’t talkin bout me. But there are ways to NOT support something and get ur ideals across without talking shit about the opposition. If go-go dancers are sorry excuses for women … is talking shit about them, judging them, and teaching other girls to hate them setting a better example?

Whatever. YOU need to worry about why ur man cheated on u for 3 years and ur the only one that doesn’t know about it, and YOU need to check ur last Halloween costume ‘cuz u wearin just about as much clothing as I am in this flic. Womp womp. Congratulations, yall just got verbally raped by this skank-ass, low class, unintelligent (ex) go-go dancer.

OK this is possibly the crappiest picture I’ve ever taken in my life but that’s what happens when u gotta use ur laptop to take a pic on the floor ‘cuz u can’t find ur camera and ur camera phone needs to be in the picture. This was originally supposed to be a vlog but I suck at vlogging if u don’t remember from my first attempt. I was inspired to do this once again by Heart Magazine, but not much has changed since I did a bag lady post on my MySpace (courtesy of Brown Babies) a year or so ago except for maybe my purse itself and that’s only ‘cuz I used it for work yesterday. They say a womens bag is a window into their inner workings. Which I guess is true, considering mine is an absolute MESS.

Dear Abi,

TGIF everybody! I’m typing this from my desk … AT WORK I would say not working at work is my lame attempt to sticking it to the man for having to be here today in the first place BUT I kinda do this everyday so just kidding.

• I am extremely proud to say that I beat last years record by 1.5 plates having annihilated 5 plates and 2 dessert plates with only 1 short break in between plate 4 and 5 to take shots with the cousins. I love being Filipino because it means we get “American” and Filipino dishes at parties! Here’s what plate 2 consisted of: salad, brocolli and cheese pilaf, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, roast beef, turkey w/ gravy, stuffing, white rice, and ampalaya w/ shrimp and ground beef. The rest of the feast consisted of escabeche (sweet and sour fish, tastes so much better than it sounds), lumpia (of course), adobo, lechon, mechada, leche flan, bibingka pie, puto w/ CHEESE (ness u hear that?), some other fish dish that I have no idea what the name is, deviled eggs, and yams.

• 1 shot of Henn, 1 shot of Johnny Walker Black label (DISGUSTING!), 1 cup of Henn and Coke, and 1 cup of Henn and Sparkling Cidar (my new fave way to drink Henn) later, I swear I owned the magic mic! Gail if ur reading this, u better have that shit on deck if u want me to sing at u and Gayson’s wedding!
• I have never used Twitter and Facebook so much in my life until yesterday.
• This Saturday the Moscone Center is holding San Francisco’s 52nd annual International Auto Show. I’ve went to 3 so far, this year will be my 4th and I can’t wait! Sometimes I wish I had a father to go to all these things to. Maybe then I’d actually know wtf I’m looking at lol. This year I’m looking forward to seeing the Academy of Arts classic car collection. Rawr MUSCLE at it’s flyest. If ur attending come support my Hellz fam and check out the MAV fashion show.

• Then, afterwards its off to the Warriors x Lakers game. I know our team is falling apart, but I’ll still be there belligerent as hell talkin shit ’till the buzzer sounds!
• HOW THE FUCK DID I LOSE MY WTFORKS?! FANG-BANGER NECKLACE? SO FOR SHAME.
• After work today I’m supposed to go with the folks to watch the tree lighting ceremony at Union Square. I got 5 on it I leave looking like a hot mess of eyeliner streaks.
• Lastly, like I mentioned in my previous post, once Thanksgiving’s done it’s pretty much a downward spiral for me. Christmas and New Years are a total bummer. If I could, I’d lock myself in my room until both days were over. This year will be an especially hard one. But just know that despite my rants of holiday depression I do appreciate LIFE and all those in mine who make it even just a little bit worth living. I read ur comments yesterday and was once again reminded of how blessed I am.

Just last week my uncle got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and is starting chemo Monday, so there was definitely a somber undertone amidst all the karaoke going on. Thanksgiving was definitely bitersweet. But luckily, the newest addition to our clan, Isaiah, made his debut leaving a smile on my uncle’s face – which left a smile on everyone else’s. I know Thanksgiving is over, but it’s not too late and never inconvenient to be thankful for the people u love. I’m definitely thankful for these 2 little rugrats right here: My 11-month cousin Logan (aka Wolverine. trip his older brother’s name is Xavier aka Professor X. I told their dad if they have a girl they gotta name her Aurora (aka Storm). And my 1 month old ‘lil boo boo Isaiah in his formal button up and fall ensemble. Doesn’t he look like he fell asleep on the phone? LOL.

What did YOU do for Thanksgiving?

I hate ‘em. Well no, just Christmas and New Years to be exact. But with Thanksgiving only a few hours away I gotta put my big girl pants on and remind myself that I have a lot to be thankful for, despite the fact that I complain on a day to day basis about being unhappy with life.

Currently, 5 of my friends are all dating men/boys younger than them, with the newest member of CFC (Cougars for a Cause) being 28 and her cub being 23 – leaving a 5 year age gap, the same as me and my ex. Now seeing as the recently wedded Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are 10 years apart, 5 doesn’t seem so bad anymore (at least that’s what I tell myself).

However, the irony of it all is when I was younger I dated older men. 7 years older at one point to be exact. When I was in college, I would never give the time of day to my friends little brother and his friends because they were 19 when I was 21. And God forbid I even considered dating a junior when I was a senior in high school. That would’ve been social suicide! He’s 16? I’m 17? He might as well have been an embryo. Yet nowadays, I consider 26-29 to be pretty much the same age. I always thought it was funny how the older people get – the slimmer the age gap seems to be. For instance; 18 and 23 sounds so much worse than 32 and 37.

But perhaps nobody knows this best than my very own mother, who be pullin ‘em like Gabrielle Solis aka Eva Longoria in Desperate Housewives. At 48 she has said that the oldest she’d go for was 44. Yes I’ll give u a few seconds to read that over again, it’s coo. Reason being, she wants to be taken care of and not financially ‘cuz although my mama ain’t rich she holds her own. But basically, she ain’t tryna give her man no damn sponge baths and shit. Lately, Ive been getting approached by much younger guys as well, but the reason I gave the last one a chance was because I just felt more comfortable around him than with his older male counterparts. This is a general statement as well. ‘Cuz if I don’t need to act like an adult, I won’t. I want a cotton-candy machine and bouncey-house at my next birthday party for crying out loud! If a 33-year old man who was interested in me knew this, I feel like he’d adopt me as a kid instead of have me as a girlfriend.

However, it’s still no wonder some women are hesitant in engaging in cougariffic relationships. Off bat, the man is looked at as a pimp and the woman like a … well … a cougar! Usually, (not always) the dude gets the good end of the deal: props from his boys, an experienced woman, stability, a trophy wife, a house to have sex in instead of a dorm room, etc. etc. Whereas all the cougar would get from her man is: stamina.

Unfortunately, there is no exception to the statutory rape rule. So Team Jacob cougars, no matter how u look at it, Taylor Lauter is still jail bait until Feb. 11, 2010. I know age ain’t nothin but a number but yall seen what happened to R. Kelly.

Inspired by one of my muse’s Miss Melody Ehnsani. Sloppy ‘cuz I did ‘em myself but I still think they looked flossy. For anyone thinking of DIY, I’d definitely suggest using flat studs if u can find them as opposed to the 3d balls ‘cuz these came off easily and everytime I’d touch my hair, it would get stuck in that bitch. And yes, those are my real nails.

So. Word around town is I’m a “man-hater.” Of course, only “men” are labeling me this. And I was always the friend my girls boyfriends hated them going out with, just because I believed in having a life that didn’t revolve around their mans schedule or availability. But the funny part is, even when I tried to be one, I just ended up hating myself instead. So now I’m trying to figure out what part of my blog leads people to make this inference to begin with, because asides from the actual title which I understand could be misinterpretted, I can’t for the life of me find a reason why.

Am I a man-hater because I wrote about how I have penis envy? Perhaps it was the blog about how to be a good wing-woman to your best guy friend? Or mmmaybe it was my 500 Days of Summer post where I broke the vagina code and blatantly professed every woman’s genuine longing to be in love? It’s kind hard to hate on men, when my closest friends are chorizo toters.

Oh. I know …

It must be the fact that I encourage everyone (not just women) to be alone but not lonely. It’s because I suggest having dreams, and goals that no horrible break up or even wonderful relationship can get in the way of. It’s because I’m honest, but considerate. Brash, but sensitive. Nasty, but a lady. Fair and understanding but allergic to incompetence. Because ultimately, I encourage readers to be individuals before attempting to “complete someone else” and vice versa.

Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Just because I don’t tolerate ignorance and immaturity from anyone – it doesn’t mean I’m a man-hater. It simply means I’m a bull-shit hater. Now if the word “bull shit” is synonymous to the word “men” in ur book … well then maybe you have the issue not me. If anything, I’m looking out for the well being of the fellas just as much as the females. Because when I tell the ladies not to act all crazy and shit, it’s ur smashed headlights, slashed tires, and broken windows lives I’m saving.

I do not claim I know everything, I only speak from experience. Whether it be of mistakes, conquests, heart ache, or bliss. If this voice is too loud, don’t turn me down. Turn to the next station. I’m not on ur side. But I’m not on hers either. I try to remain as neutral as possible. However, I’m also aware that as much as “one of the boys” I am, I was born with this thing called estrogen that makes me cry during sad movies and squeal at the sight of a walk in closet.

One day I actually went through old posts (and good God I need a “search” option on this bitch) and tried to find something that screamed “I HATE PENIS!” but came up empty handed. So if u still think I’m a “man-hater” it’s probably because ur insecure, controlling, and have an inferiority complex. Which in that case, u have nothing to worry about. U probably aren’t a real “man”, so I wouldn’t hate u anyway.

Thanks to Ne-Yo and Webbie, Miss Independent’s are seen as women who can handle their own, like to front the bill, and don’t need help from men. They push Benz’s, have $10k+ credit card limites, and got a mortgage to pay. Unfortunately, that’s not me. Nice goal to work towards though. But in my case, I’m sinply – Miss Understood. So let me break it down one last time:

I am a hopeless romantic. I am utterly inspired by the thought of being being in love with someone ala Bella and Edward, I’m just sayin love urself too. I believe in catering to ur man because they deserve it. And treating him like a King because u are his Queen. I don’t want to wear the pants in the relationship. I want to be able to wear a mini-skirt without my man threatening to break up with me because of it.

SO DON’T GET IT TWISTED.

I may ask for alone time, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want u in my life.
I may want to have girl days, but u’d be the only man I spend my nights with.
I may deny ur help sometimes, but I am still more than grateful that u offered.
I may not be afraid to speak my mind, but I won’t be afraid to tell you I love you either.
And I may not need u in my life, but what matters is I want u to be.

But I promise I’ll be back on it tomorrow.