Dear Abi | girlsarethenewboys.com

Foxy Mama by Hot.Sizzle featuring Dorothy Perkins

Let’s face is, Megan Fox would look good wearing a potato-sack and Birkenstocks. OK maybe not, but she’s hot as hell and as soon as I saw this dress I thought of her. Very dark and vampy but still glamorous. The shoes are fucking sex. And helloooo the McQueen skull earrings to subtly match her clutch? Suicidal. And of course u gotta top it all off with a touch of red! Perfect for the red carpet.

UPDATE: I am about to fucking sue Stub Hub or somebody if I don’t get refunded for these bogus ass tickets.

Got me and Ness’s Lady Ga-Ga tickets in the mail today and I cannot wait! Say I won’t wear my blonde wig to the concert

One of the things I can’t stand is when a person plays the blame game. Granted, there are things u just can’t control. Like missing ur best friends wedding because ur stuffed animals magically came to life and are holding u for hostage. Or forgetting to pick up ur girlfriend ‘cuz Megan Fox’s car battery died right in front of ur house and she needed u to jump her – I mean her car. Shit happens, it’s understandable. The bus was late, there was traffic, the dog ate my homework. But on a much larger scale – there’s just some shit that is never excusable.

I believe the first few years of a persons life on Earth are their most impressionable. While ur upbringing doesn’t necessarily predict ur future – I do believe it leaves a big impact on it. A study I did in college on porn stars showed that over 50% of them were raped or molested as a child/teenager. Many serial murderers showed early signs of their ways by torturing and killing small animals as a kid. And it’s unfortunately not uncommon that most child abusers were abused as children themselves.

If u grew up in a household where ur father beat ur mother for years and years before she did anything about it, I can definitely see how u as a child can think this type of behavior is acceptable. Especially if there is no one else around u to tell u otherwise. I can also see how as a grown-up u might continue this awful cycle with ur significant other, because for the longest time u didn’t know any better. BUT THIS DOES NOT, WILL NOT, AND WILL NEVER JUSTIFY DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. Hate to break it to u.

People don’t live in caves or under rocks. It shouldn’t take a person that long to figure out that raping someone or beating up a pregnant woman or hitting ur boyfriend just because he didn’t pick u up on time is wrong. Once a person recognizes a flaw in their lifestyle or personality, it’s now their turn to take responsibility for their actions, take control of their life, and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Yah they can point fingers at the past or their surroundings but that shit has an expiration date. U gets no sympathy from me after that, because the pity speeches start to sound old.

Today, I was denied Invisalign. Not because my teeth were too fucked up, but because I didn’t have the money to front what the insurance and care credit wouldn’t. And for the first time in a loooooooooong time, shit maybe even EVER – I pulled out the “past” card. Yall don’t understand. I hate doing that. I hate when other people do that too. But today, as I left the dentist office more than embarassed (especially since the receptionist was a friend of mine) I had to fight away tears. “If my parents were together I bet I would’ve had them as a kid already,” “My sorry excuse for a father should be paying for this shit. It’s the least he could do. But nooo he’s a fucking loser,” “I wish my mom had cared enough about me when I was a child to have taken care of this early on and SAVED FOR IT.” Braces, school supplies, prescription eyeglasses, shit, citizenship – these aren’t wants like a Fendi wallet or new Cadillac CTS are, they’re needs. In case u couldn’t tell, this blog is about so much more than braces.

I could cry and complain all day about how unfair it was that while my friends parents bought them cars or paid for their school or rent, or hell cooked them dinner everyday – I had a fist fight with mine, didn’t talk to her for an entire year while living in the same apt., worked before I was even old enough to obtain a workers permit, missed an opportunity to go to an accreditted high school because someone FORGOT to submit my application letter, and can count how many home cooked meals I’ve had on one hand BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. But like I said earlier – that shit gets old. I’m getting irritated at myself for just bringing it up. That’s why instead of depriving my kids of things and saying, “I didn’t have it when I was young so stop complaining,” I’m going to give them everything I never had and then some (granted they deserve it of course). And to be real cut throat about the situation, I’m a grown ass woman, I should have enough saved up to buy them braces my damn self! Ughson.com.

See, every one loves to play the victim but they never really want to actually be a victim. So pls adhere to thsoe pity story expiration dates, no matter how good of a story they are and how many tears they bring to people’s eyes. ‘Cuz Oprah Winfrey and Chris Gardner had all the reasons in the world to be violent drug addicts, but yall know how their “sob stories” ended.

Now that I no longer go-go I can finally celebrate Halloween like “normal” girls and appreciate it for what it is: A reason for chicks to dress up slutty and not get shit for it. So this year, I along with everybody and they mama am going to be Lady Ga-Ga. I want to take a picture with every single other Ga-Ga I see ‘cuz I’m sure there will be plenty but I don’t care! I’m a firm believer in doing something or buying something regardless of how many other people have already done it or have it – AS LONG AS U GENUINELY LOVE IT. Who fucking cares? If u’ve been loving a pair of shoes but automatically toss it just ‘cuz the next person has it UR LAME. LAME LAME LAME. Anyway, I was also considering Jem but I stuck with Ga-Ga ‘cuz it’s what I wanted to be originally, I love her, and because I already own most of this shit lol. All I need to do now is make my “disco stick” and bling out my sunglasses. Hoping that making my Halloween accessories won’t be more fun than Halloween night itself / What’s everybody else going to be?!

Ga-Ga for Ga-Ga by Hot.Sizzle featuring Christian Louboutin shoes

*Le Sigh* It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these. Polyvore oh how I miss thee.

Jet-Settin by Hot.Sizzle featuring Alexander McQueen accessories

Better than a pair of classic, red soled, patent leather Christian Louboutins. More grand dior than ur favorite Louie Vuitton purse. And even more quintessential than this seasons dangling, feather earrings – a womens best accesory is her gay.

For years, women have flocked to gay bars and tagged along to gay events. We tune in every week for Glee and all wish we had a “Will” of our very own. And for years men have wondered WHY? Why are the gays so lucky? Why do women prance around half naked in front of them so comfortably as if they were alone? Why do they let them hump them on the dance floor? Why do they let them touch their boobs? Why do they sleep in the same bed and cuddle with them like it’s nothing? Why do gay men and straight women sometimes kiss? Why do women love the gays so much?

I’ll tell u why.

1) They are hilarious. Not that there aren’t some hysterically funny straight men out there. Jamie Foxx, Jim Carey, Will Ferrel, Katt Williams, Jo Koy – I mean helloooooo?! But I swear there is something magical in a gays fruity pebbles that allows them to say the same exact thing one person says yet make it 1,000 times funnier. Besides, they can get away with saying waaay more things than a straight man can say. ‘Cuz if a straight man said, “Man I made him cum so hard he looked like Emily Rose bending over backwards to grab onto the headboard,” well, they’d just sound gay.

2) They’re fun. When a gay comes out they come out, and not just outta the closet either. If u go to a club trying to spot a gay, I’d say look for the one dude smiling, drunk, and mmmaybe with his shirt off dancing in the middle of 4 hot chicks. 4 hot chicks whom he can all outdance. Perhaps it’s due to years of oppression that gays feel the need to liberate themselves to the highest extent. Or perhaps it’s the fact that most of them make decent to good money, aren’t married, and have no kids that fuels them to go hard or go home (pun intended). Whatever it is, I have yet to meet a boring gay at a party.

3) They’re the BEST shopping buddies. Because some of ur girlfriends as much as u love ‘em – ain’t got no style. Because some of ur girlfriends don’t know no better. Because some of ur girlfriends are the same size as u and will lie but show up to the club in that same exact Jimmy Choo for H&M dress they said was bunk the week before. Because sometimes we plain and simply just don’t wanna go shopping with our girlfriends. And because if we take a straight man they will do the following:

I. Say “yes” to everything
a) because that’s what they’re supposed to say
b) they really do think u look beautiful in everything (aw)
c) they’ll say whatever will get yall out the door and back home to the game as fast as possible

II. Be …
a) next door at Gamestop
b) next, next door at Foot Action watching the game with the rest of the boyfriends
c) be outside the store, on the phone, chewing gum, or picking lint outta his pocket – being anywhere but inside F21 with u doing anything except watching women shop

Because a gay man will usually have more fashion sense than u and always, always look out for ur best interest. U are their best accesory as well, and honey u know they ain’t tryna tote no ugly, tacky, cheap purse on their arm.

4) They’re allergic to booshit. They’ll give it to u straight with no chaser. Not that all hetereo’s are liars but if those thigh high boots make ur legs look like longanisa links, they’ll tell u. If ur new haircut looks more trailer park than high fashion, they’ll tell u. And if ur ex mans new girl is drop dead gorgeous, they’ll also tell u. But they’ll also tell u, u got the best rack they’ve ever seen so show them off instead, to slick ur hair to the side and add a cute barette so u look less Jim Bob Nascar Jones and more Rihanna, and that as pretty as she is – the bitch still ain’t YOU (and they’ll mean it too). Even if they sugar-coat shit, they’ll still tell u the truth. Reason being, they ain’t got time to sweat the petty. Besides y would they lie? They ain’t tryna boink u anyway. They have bigger things to worry about i.e. coming out to the people they love, not getting beat up by homophobes, PROPOSITION 8.

5) Lastly, and most of all, They’ll be all of the above and not expect anything in return asides from ur friendship. And maybe letting them borrow ur squin bra once in a while. Gays are like a 2 in 1 package. “Strong enough for a man but made for a women.” The looks and comfort of a man, combined with the sisterhood u’d get from another female. They can be ur handsome date at ur girls wedding and tell u ur beatiful and let u cry on their shoulder … and then go home and fuck their boyfriend instead of trying to get into ur pants. Despite how close yall two may get, they’ll never fall for u so there’s no risk of potentially losing a friendship to a failed relationship or feelings that aren’t reciprocated. Like MY gay said himself, “We love our girls unconditionally without wanting anything in return – and u guys know that.”

Aw boo boo, we love u too.

Heteros, I hoped u learned a thing or two from this PSA. And if yall still feel jipped, don’t forget, it’s yall – not the gays, that get to bang us. Well, unless yall get down like that of course lol.

Will now add Jeffrey Campbell right after Christian Louboutin on my list of “Men who’ve broken my heart.” These shoes are so goddamn fierce and impractical I can hear a tranny on 6th and Howard walkin in ‘em down the street with their 6’3″ size 10 ass. Why do I have to work so close to the mall?

Dear God, Please don’t make me have to spend almost 2bills just to cop this seasons hottest trend that I’ve been borrowing from Geli for almost the past 2 years. If anyone finds a pair of over the knee, suede, boots with a heel under $100 in a size 6-7 (because my feet are magical sometimes. magical as in a nicer word for retarded) HOLLER AT UR GIRL.
I promise the above and a bf blazer are the only 2 things on my list … for now. I really don’t want to splurge ‘cuz I shouldn’t be shopping right now and instead saving for Santee Aleey next month but these are wardrobe staples, classic that will never go outta style. At least that’s what I’m going to tell myself when I empty my wallet on this shit.
OK, and this last item. This is just me being greedy lol. I’d like 2 straps though, and a lil’ thicker. Maybe a buckle somewhere in that mix too. But because I don’t have $1,000+ to spend on these bad boys nor trust the Japanese and UK ads on Ebay, I’ll continue to refresh F21 until they finally start selling a k.o. pair.

P.S. I have never wanted this much black stuff in my life. As much as we need the rain and the winter, I can’t wait ’till it’s spring again.

When 9-11 happened I was overwhelmed by the compassion people exhibited towards each other amidst the aftermath of it all. The perseverance, strength, and courage of New Yorkers as well as the rest of the world almost always had me in tears every time I saw an example of it in the news. I was surprised, yet overjoyed to see that there were still good people here on Earth.

But at the same time, I was also disappointed. Even saddened, knowing that it had to take something as devastating as a plane crashing into the Twin Towers to bring people together. It took labeling a common “enemy” in order for people of all shapes, sizes, and colors to find something in common with one another. But perhaps it’s just like the saying goes, without the sour, the sweet just ain’t as sweet.

Well, if that’s the case then this past Saturdays fundraiser was as sweet as the red velvet cupcakes we sold there. No – I take it back, as in back to the motherland. It was as sweet as a nice big parfait glass filled with shaved ice, mung beans, langka, nata de coco, macapuno, creme caramel, condensed milk (condensed milk >>> evaporated milk any day), with a huge scoop of ube ice cream on top (Halo-Halo for those who ain’t Filipino. Look it up, it’ll change ur life).

I ain’t even gonna front. I was shittin bricks during the early hours of the event. Nervous. Frantic. Or “taranta” as my mom called me. And Rach? All u saw were her cougar pants darting back and forth in between rooms as she spazzed out. The photographer has diarhhea? SHIT! No really, SHIT. What if nobody buys a raffle ticket? Anthony’s Cookies flaked? Where’s the Lady Bird SF chick? The cops are outside? What if Fran Boogie gets so bored he leaves? IT’S 8pm WHERE THE FUCK IS EVERYBODY?!

But apparently, fundraisers are not exempt to the infamous “Filipino Time” rule. Just like a typical Filipino function – everyone came late. 2 hours late at that. But in full force. Bringing friends, and friends of friends. With optimisim and open wallets. $20 for 10 raffle tickets was nothing to them considering the awesome (not to mention expensive) goodies we had as prizes and of course the fact that it was all going towards the Typhoon Ketsana victims. And despite a a minor aneurysm here and there, the night went on without a hitch.

By 9pm people were happily munchin on ribs and chicken, my mom was on her 2nd plate of calamari, 1 tray of the cupcakes was gone, and people’s greasy lips gave proof that they had fell prey to the lumpia cart. Drinks were being served at the bar and all our vendors had settled in. I know some clubs have a line that forms outside the club but ours had one at the raffle/donation table! By 9:30, the beautiful dancers of Nemenzo took stage (floor), and I was officially buzzin and obnoxious, cheering and screaming louder than half of the room combined. And immediately following, was the raffle – which undoubtedly was the cherry on top.

As I stood at the front of the DJ booth in between the funniest emcee ever, Fran Boogie and Rach (whose idea this was to begin with) – it became clear to me that the 2 weeks of mass emails, contacting donors, asking for favors, the bags under my eyes, the going cross eyed on Photoshop when I could’ve easily used Microsoft Word instead, the looong, ice-creamless pow-wows, all the stress and preparation that went towards this fundraiser WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT.

Because asides from raising money for a good cause, my personal mission had been accomplished. Usually, when people think of “fundraiser” they think: Great, an excuse to get people to do shit for free and having to give money to a bunch of people they don’t know. Which is why I made it a priority to annoy people with my Facebook status’s promoting how much this event was for the attendees as well as for the flood victims. And by the smiles on people’s faces, the screams as raffle numbers were called out, and the amazing victory dances as the winners picked up their prizes, I knew we really put the FUN in FUNdraiser.

I am no activist. Nor by any means do I think I’m righteous. But I care for the greater good of the world as naive as that may sound. Although my family in Montolban were not directly affected by Typhoon Ketsana, they were stranded in their tiny town due to the floods. I’m supposed to visit them next year for the first time in 14 years and all I kept thinking was, “What if they hadn’t made it through the flood and I never got to taste my grandfathers cooking again or hug my grandmother and feel her silky, wrinkly hands, or carry my baby cousin for the first time ever?!” THAT is why I decided to participate in this fundraiser. It rained yesterday for less than an hour and Van Ness station was already flooded, with Folsom St. shops having to close down. It could’ve EASILY happened to us.

I never thought I could make a difference before because I never quite had the resources to do so, but now that I do it almost feels like an obligation. And I’m glad. It’s beautiful the things people can accomplish when fueld by a positive energy. Like Rach said, “love looks good.” No, it’s looks WTFly. Thank you to everybody that made this event possible. Especially the donors who enabled us to put together the BEST raffle prizes ever, the food donors who got us fat and jolly, all the volunteers who never thought they’d be at a club at 7pm, the photographers, djs, emcee, and performers who entertained us all night, anyone who reposted the flier or reblogged it, and of course YOU for coming out and turning tragedy to triumph.

Now that I’m done being gay, stay tuned for an update of where all your efforts went and an awesome photo recap of the night!