I’m a 17 year old girl who was hurt terribly by her first boyfriend. I am very confused and I really need advice. Is it crazy for me to still be in love with him, he hurt me really bad but I just can’t make myself hate him. The only reason he tried to hurt me worse was because I lied and told him I wanted to hate him so he tried to make that happen. Everyone tells me I would be really stupid to get back with him but they don’t understand what we had. If he wanted to get back together I know that I would. We were really happy together and helped each other out. I think my main problem is worrying what my family will think they know how hurt I was after the breakup. Does me wanting him make me weak? Does it make me desperate? Am I stupid for still being totally in love with him? I have tried for five months to get him out of my mind and heart and he just wont leave. So I really need your advice I read what you tell other people and I think you could really help me out. Love, It’s kind of hard to give you advice without knowing what the cause of the initial break up is so for now I will say that NO u are not weak, NO u are not desperate, and NO u aren’t stupid. U are simply – HUMAN. I understand why u told him u wanted to hate him (even though we both know this could never happen), because I find it easier to let go of someone if they’ve done me wrong as well but as u can see, ur plan somewhat backfired so for future reference be careful what u wish for. Take ur time. 5 months, 5 months, 10 months, a year. Like my girl Rach always says (and I swear I refer to her quote in every other post lol) “progress not perfection.” So even IF 2 weeks after u read this u slip and have to start over with the “healing” process, ITS OK. I’m going to assume there’s a reason ur friends don’t think u should get back with him. Regardless of that, they’re just looking out for u and don’t want to see u hurt. I fucking hate references to time but, only time will tell. And how u handle urself during this time is one of the most important things. Give urself time to mourn and be sad but after that, surround urself with people u love that make u laugh and do things that make u happy whether that be play ball or go shopping. When u come back home and ur by urself reality may set in BUT it’s better than moping around the entire day. And if all else fails read this (shameless plug I know. did i really just plug MYSELF on MY OWN BLOG? lol) and at least know that u r not alone and that IT WILL GET BETTER. I want to say ur still young and there’s so much more out there for u but I’ll prolly get a big “fuck u” in return ‘cuz I wasn’t tryna hear that shit either when I was 17. So just remember this: ex’s are ex’s for a REASON no matter how big or small that reason might be. My girl Tee’s short but sweet explanation is probably the best: “people break up for 2 reasons: 1. it’s not the right time. 2. he/she is NOT THE ONE. when u break it down to something as simple as that it cuts down the tears or the hate.”
Dear Abi,
Helplessly in Love
Dear Helplessly in Love,
