Dear Abi | girlsarethenewboys.com

I was watching a re-run of “Girls Next Door” last night and it just so happened to be the episode where they’re casting the 55th anniversary playmate. The winner, and my favorite (Jessica Burciaga and her sexy lil’ raspy voice was my next pick!) was Russian beauty Dasha Astafieva. With the exception of Angelina Jolie and Megan Fox, I’m usually drawn to Latina chicks but OMG this woman is absolutely GORGEOUS. Actually, now that I think about it, she could look like Adriana Lima and Megan Fox combined, and Angelina in that last flic. Go figure lol.

Last night I had a dream that me and some of my friends and family went to a resort in Hawaii on vacation. Surprisingly, my grandpa (Daddy-Jorge) was there with me even though he lives in the Philippines. We were all going down to the beach so that I can try scuba-diving for the very first time. Just as we were about to go 2 huge waves crash and reach over the walls of the resort splashing us all. I hung onto a stair railing and was safe. I do not know how to swim. I became a little hesitant, but I was not deterred. We proceeded to go downstairs towards the beach. My Daddy-Jorge stopped by a small store to get some food and I became irritated. I just wanted to go to the beach already and he was taking his precious time. I told him, “Daddy-Jorge ur taking too long, just meet me at the beach.” I woke up right after that.

I haven’t seen my grandpa in over 3 years. I haven’t seen my grandma and the rest of my nuclear family since I was 14, and was actually planning to head out there next year. Whether or not that dream had significance to todays current events or was just a mere reflection of an internal battle I’m struggling with, all I know is my fucking family BETTER BE OK. If u haven’t heard there was a flood in the Philippines and parts of the country received a monsoon month worth of rainfall within 6 hours. I am told that my family doesn’t live in the affected areas but I won’t feel complete until I hear from one of them directly, and I won’t feel right until I’ve donated. If u feel the same, click hear to donate to typhoon victims in the Philippines. And if u can’t, is totally understandable, please spread the word (and the link) instead. A little prayer wouldn’t hurt either. U ain’t gotta be religious, it’s ok I won’t tell nobody.

Learn waht you can do to help here.

And my ungrateful ass is over here complaining about having to wear a jacket to work today. DAMN.

• The wing-woman must be attractive. Aye, don’t shoot the messenger. But I ain’t gonna front, I agree. Fly ass female + mediocre looking dude = “DAAAMN he must lay the pipe good if he’s with HER,” or something of that nature. And let’s face it, nobody wants the Hunchback of Notre Dame hanging on their arm at the club even if they are just an accessory and not wifey. I mean, u wouldn’t hang an ugly purse on ur shoulder or wear a busted pair of Js out would u? The only exception to this rule is what I call the Bill Bellamy approach. If yall watched “How to be a Player,” then u’ll know what I’m talking about.
• The wing-woman must have an outgoing personality as well. Don’t think that just because ur wing-woman is attractive that it’s a done deal. Personally, I rather have an “ok” looking wing-woman with a mouth piece than a drop dead gorgeous Helen Keller. Women who aren’t insecure are usually drawn to other awesome women, and if they’re in a public setting then most likely they’ll start chatting it up. Thus, bringing her one step closer to ur homie.
• The wing-woman, although gorgeous with a dope personality, must NOT be a threat. Sounds like a total contradiction to all of the above don’t it? See, this is where it gets tricky and the fine line emerges. Many women are guilty of pullin a, “Why aren’t u with “so and so? She’s not ugly.” God this is so irritating. I got this from every fucking girl my ex roommate used to mess with and from almost every single girl my bff talks to. Usually the answer is ‘cuz the women keeps the relationship platonic. Whatever the reason is though, all they need to know is yall AREN’T together. So make sure to strategically let that be known.
• The wing-woman must have good timing. Know when to intercept and when to back off so the homie can score himself a touchdown. She has to set shit up, but not in an obnoxious, embarassing, obvious way that will send the “mark” running in the opposite direction.
• The wing-woman must NOT be a hater. ““If u can’t fuck a ten, fuck 2 fives.”~ Method Man. How many times has a man pointed out a chick he’s feelin and their female friend respond with a, “Ehhh she’s OK,” or a, “Oh hell no,” alltogether?! Even when a man knows a women isn’t that attractive, long as she breathes, got 2 eyes a nose and a mouth, and a vagina she’ll still get a “I’d still hit it.” Shit, sometimes depending on the weather they don’t even need that! A good wing-woman won’t let her boy fuck a 2, but an even better one won’t talk shit when her boy’s target is a 4 1/2. Find a good balance, and let ur boy have some fun. It ain’t u that’s gonna be wakin up next to coyote ugly the next morning. Plus, u get to make fun of him afterwards!
• In the words of my guy bff himself, “My wing-woman gotta act like I fucked her real good one time.” LMAO, I’m on bro sister status with this dude so it so ain’t happening. It’s gross to even pretend. BUT I totally see where he’s coming from and why this totally makes sense.

And there u have it ladies and gents, my guide to being a good wing-woman. If there’s anything u want to add, please do so. Help me help u. Be a good sameritan and help others get laid. And please, remember this is all in good fun. Don’t come at me on some “This is using women as OBJECTS,” or, “Not all men are shallow,” shit. U’ve come to the wrong blog with all that stick up ur ass nonsense. I know all of this already … I just don’t care. And I know u shouldn’t rely on other people to meet other people, but it’s just so much more fun when it’s a team effort lol!

Packed house. p.s. the guy on stilts was scary.
The reason I went to the party to begin with … although they were slackin with the whore-derves.
Me and the Wing-Woman

Stupid Chris tied balloons to us. I don’t know why. But I immediately felt like one of htose kids whose parents are too lazy to watch over them and strap a leash onto them instead.

I wasn’t drunk, just sweaty ew

Good times!

• Breakfast and Bitches – It don’t take much to keep me satisfied lol. Today I woke up with the saying, “Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey,” in my head and started craving eggs, bacon, toast, and OJ immediately after. So I managed to drag my ass outta bed and hollared at Lucky’s one time. Granted this is a simple ass meal to make, but I cooked it just the way I like it – eggs nice and runny, toast lightly buttered, turkey bacon soggy but crispy on the outsides, and Tropicana with pulp. I then ate breakfast while watching the E channel. And yes, that’s my coffee table filled with video vixens and gossip mags. Anyway, it’s laid back mornings like these that make me appreciate being alone.
• Friday night I attended Atmosphere’s A3 1 year anniversary event with the roomy B, Kris, and Cus. I’ll be straight up: I wanted the free food and alcohol. They had stilt walkers, lambos parked outside, a red carpet, Juicy Couture “models” in cages, a magician, and a balloon man. Wasn’t really my kinda shindig, but I’m glad I came out and had fun … even though I almost slipped on a piece of lettuce in front of the pizza shop.
• Dear Abi, u do NOT need a pair of navy, leather ankle boots. I repeat U DO NOT. Love, Abi
• In either ’02 or ’01 I bought the wrong lipstick color, MAC’s “Underworld,” but I kept in even though I was actually looking for a brighter magenta color. Glad I kept it though even if it is like a fafillion years old and I totally shouldn’t be using it, but it’s the perfect color for fall.



• I looked at my messy ass room with newly bought clothes still in their shopping bags all over the floor and realized that I’ve been shopping waaay too much lately. I’m definitely not going to go shopping until I visit Santee Alley when I go to L.A. in Nov. Below, is a Silence & Noise jumper I got at the Urban Outfitters sale for $9.99. SCORE!!! Made me feel a lil’ better after buying a new pair of shoes, a leather skirt, a Deena & Ozzy laptop case, 3 shirts ($9.99 each at Urban son!), a necklace, a headband, and 3 pairs of sunglasses. Ughhh, why can’t I just be satisfied wearing sweats and beaters everyday, which are my favorite things in the world anyway.

• Yesterday I had lunch at Barracuda with Aby, Duane, Geli, and Derrik. NTS: I do not like shiso. Afterwards, I got threaded and called it a day. OK, that was boring why did I even include that one here?
• Operation World Domination has commenced:

• And now I’m on here listening to Illadelph Halflife while writing a booshit post instead of completing the 3 posts of substance I have in my drafts folder. I should probably clean my room since I only have a few more hours to do so before I hit up Namu with Wileen and Nino for a late, late, late bday dinner. Hope everyone had a good weekend!
• P.S. I’M SORRY

One of the few things I do love about the fall/winter weather is being able to put my Tims back in rotation, I have 4 pairs, 1 of which I’ve worn only once in the entire 5 years I’ve had them. I am sooo for shame. Anyway, these baby Timberland boots (or Timmy’s as I like to call ‘em ‘cuz I can always find a way to make even the most manliest things sound soft) are kinda killing me with their cuteness right now. Look how tiny they are! My kids are definitely gonna be more fitted than me.

HOLY MOLY ROLLY POLEY OLEY GUACAMOLE FARFOLEY.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It’s not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

About 4 or 5 years ago, when I was still in college I remember hanging out with my boyfriend at the time after his shift at Trader Joe’s. Knowing my dreams of being in the fashion industry, he told me about how his co-worker’s ex-girlfriend was a designer for Rocawear. A few months or maybe even a year later, I attended an event one of my best friends was photographing and purchased a shirt from a streetwear line based out here in SF. When I got home, I visited their website as well as many others. And then after clicking a link of a link of another link, I came across the MySpace profile of a young Filipina woman in her twenties. She was pretty, she was young, had previously worked for Rocawear, currently had her own clothing line, and had recently gotten married. She was exactly where I wanted to be in life. In my eyes, she had it all. And as I skimmed through her pictures I hoped to one day follow in her footsteps … just in my own pair of stilletos, doing my own hip sway, and to my own beat. I didn’t want to be her, I just wanted to be the absolutely best ME I could be.

And this woman inspired me to be just that, which is why I nearly died when my Hayati told me I was officially a writer for the new Twilight fan blog they were both a part of. Like, for serious? I had JUST told her a month prior how this chick was my idol and now we’d be on the same team? I am not worthy lol.

I would’ve never thought 4+ years ago when I MySpaced this person asking for advice on how to pursue my dreams and how to gracefully face and conquer opposition in the proccess, that I’d be celebrating my 28th birthday with her. It was during this short period of time, as she was doing a phone interview while my hung over ass laid dying in her suite, that I began to realize how hard of a worker she is and that she deserves all the success coming her way. (AND OMG CAN I JUST SAY THAT I AM SUPER EMBARASSED RIGHT NOW ‘CUZ I’VE NEVER, EVER TOLD HER ANY OF THIS, AND NOW SHE’S MY FRIEND SO I FEEL LIKE A TARD LOL.) But most of all, outta anyone I know she has the most braggin rights – yet stays humble, at least in front of me lol.

Needless to say, I’m the type that when I have a girl crush, it goes away after I meet them because … it’s just weird to crush on someone u know lol (and no I ain’t talkin about that kinda crush slow ur role perverts). So I do not give her nearly as much credit as I feel she deserves for fear of being seen as a groupie, kiss-ass, or even worse name-dropper. But with her dirty-thirty coming up this Saturday and the launch of her new line, “Midnight Riders,”by Hellz Bellz, I feel like it’s the best time to do so.

So happy early birthday Lawn, u are an inspiration to women everywhere. Thank u for making me feel less of a cougar when I stare at Taylor Lautner’s 8-pack, for the red-velvet birthday cake with no slices or candles that u forgot at the club and I never got to eat (lol), and most importantly, for keeping me motivated. I hope one day I can inspire someone else as much as u’ve inspired me no homo haha. If it wasn’t for you, my blog today would’ve been about running into oncoming traffic due to being so overwhelmed with life.

And by the way, u never did answer my MySpace message bitch! LMAO.

Yall know the drill, check out Lawn’s second fall drop here.