Dear Abi | girlsarethenewboys.com

Because it’s been a melancholy Friday, this is all I have for u

Have a good weekend everyone!

Spring Fling by Hot.Sizzle featuring Miu Miu bags

Um. Ok, sooo. I might kinda die if I don’t have the following in my life.

As seen on P&P and Melody Ehnsani and Hellz.

I will never forget the night I went to Storyville with my folks, and realized just how mean some of us bitches can be.

There was about 4 of us gettin our giggity gig out on the dancefloor, u know doing the usual “dance around our imaginary bonfire” dance when in the corner of my eye I see a dude walking in my girls direction. In my head I immediately went “uh-oh, she’s gonna give him a vagina,” and sure enough she did, but in my eyes she was the asshole.

He began to politely ask her to dance, but before he could even finish she literally ran away and shrieked “ew ew ew ew” loud enough for the poor guy to hear her. Shit, even I heard her. This dude was not the flyest, but he also wasn’t rude either. He didn’t even bust out with a “fuck u bitch, u ain’t all that anyway,” afterwards. He simply shook his head and walked away. At that moment I secretly apologized to all the brave gentlemen in the world who’ve gotten rejected at the club on behalf of the woman race and gave my girl the “now was that really necessary?” face.

Later on that night the same guy tapped me on the shoulder, said “excuse me,” and asked me to dance. I said sure, partly out of pity, but mostly because my jam (which I don’t remember anymore) was playing. So we danced, and not once did he try to hump me or attempt to strategically gyrate his way towards my way. I don’t even think he touched me, we just – danced. Like normal people do. And when about 2 songs were done and all my friends had left the dancefloor I told him thanks for the dance, and he graciously replied thank-you, shook my hand, and left. See girls? PAINLESS.

Now I know not every chick has a soft spot in their heart for rejects or is as friendly as me, but u ain’t gotta be! U don’t have to be nice – just don’t be so fucking unecessarily mean! I’ve had my share of bad male encounters at the club but that’s where u have separate the men from the boys, in which case you women have to separate urself from the stuck-up bitches. There’s a lot of talk about club ettiquette in regards to what men shouldn’t do to women, but we can’t deny the fact that there’s just some shit women shouldn’t do as well.

Ladies, it takes a lot of guts for a dude to come up to a female at the club and ask her to dance especially when she’s around her wingwomen, so please go easy on them when crushing their hopes and dreams of finding love (or booty) in the club. Imagine if u saw some broad throw attitude at ur little brother? I bet it would be WWIII up in that bitch. I know u just tryna look cute on the dancefloor and enjoy a night out with ur girls, but there are ways of saying that without running away from a guy and screaming “ew ew ew.”

With the exception of ass invaders who dance behind u without asking, and douche-bags who get all buthurt after u plolitely decline a dance, most men deserve a chance, or at least an easy let-down. A few of them actually go to the club to dance, and because u know damn well we’d call them fags for doing the imaginary pow-wow dance with each other, they ask us to dance DUH!

So the next time a man simply says hello to u in line, say hi. The next time a man compliments u on ur outfit, just smile. And if he (God forbid) asks u to dance and u don’t feel like it aka he’s not cute enough, just say “no thank-you.” ‘Cuz the next time u go out and walk from the front of the club to the back and not a single dude pays attention to u, u’ll wish u had been a little nicer to that guy who told u u were beautiful the month before.

And seriously if all else fails, “I’m looking for my girls,” works everytime *winks*

I miss my bangs.

Growing up I had THEE bushiest eyebrows. Bitches always referred to me as the girl with the uni-brow, but I refused to pluck ‘em and didn’t give a fuck ‘cuz I still pulled hoez, uni-brow and all (take that take that). They say that ur eyebrows are what frame ur face, and the girls in my high school had upside down check marks for “frames,” so I was not havin it. I finally gave in and started plucking my senior year, but even then I never touched the top. I moved onto waxing, but did it myself because again I didn’t want them getting fucked up. But today on a whim, I got them threaded at the mall and lemme just say God bless the lady that hooked my shit up ‘cuz I will never go back to waxing or plucking ever again. Sure, she was pushy as hell and smelled like curry but she did an awesome job. She gave them the PERFECT shape I’ve been trying to obtain but never could. And managed to even my shit up a lil’ since I fucked up and overplucked my left one. What can I say, shit is clean. I highly recommend it!

And no it doesn’t hurt, now stop being a pansy.

“FUCK THAT SHET, if only i had the balls id be wakin up in a donkey costume handcuffed to a pirate everytime i went to Vegas!”

Dear Abi,

How do I know if the girl I’m feelin likes me back? There’s little things here and there that make me think she does, but I’m not sure. HELP, I’m going to a concert with her tonight, and need some game!

Signed,
Gameless in San Leandro

First things first – no game is better than Front st. game. If the female is already going to a concert with u, it means she can stand u for more than 15 minutes and most likely enjoys ur company as is. So if it ain’t broken, don’t fix it. If she didn’t like ur personality already she wudn’t be kickin it, so just be urself … except in small doses, don’t give her all of u. Having said that, the first thing u need to understand is most girls (gold diggers, attention whores, and sluts aside) can genuinely enjoy the company of a man yet have absolutely no feelings (of “that” kind) towards them. So none of this “she picked up her phone when I called when she didn’t have to, she MUST like me,” booshit. Sometimes I hug my girlfriends, does that mean I’m a box eater? NO, so get over it. Just because she leans her head on ur shoulder it doesn’t necessarily mean she likes u. She was tired – take it for what it is. However, personally speaking, there are certain areas of a woman (asides from the obvious) that she will let a man touch ONLY if she likes them. i.e. putting ur hands on her waiste and hugging her from behind *ding*ding*ding* u have a chance buddy ‘cuz Lord knows I ain’t lettin u touch me there unless I want u touching me other places as well. Unfortunately, I have no sure answer for u ‘cuz everyone is different. The obvious, and easiest way is to ask – but we all know there’s reprucussions to that. My best advice is to ease ur way into it. If the broad likes u – u’ll just know. TRUST ME.

Abi

*DISCLAIMER*
All “Dear Abi,” advice is based on personal experience. Sometimes the information given will be credible, other times strictly for comical purposes. Girlsarethenewboys.blogspot.com is not responsible for any of the aftermath that may potentially occur as a result of following its “Dear Abi,” advice (unless of course u get laid, in which case the author will be happy to take credit for it). By writing “Dear Abi,” you are acknowledging the fact that u are not a pansy, for the blog is not for the easily butt-hurt. Write and comment at ur own risk! Please email questions to mouf.peace@gmail.com.

When someone says u look tired, they really mean “Who ran over ur face this norning?” so just smile and tell them u had a rough night … and then spit in their coffee later.

“The difference between a stalker and someone who’s genuinely sweet is a guy’s level of attractiveness”~Taken from Ness’s Twitter

LMAO. Unfortunately, so true.